What?

If you like retro (vintage? classic?) hockey, forget ’bout it.

Well, I have something to share. I’ve gone back into NHL 2002 and my TC (Total (or nearly total) Conversion) Mod. That’s right: NHL 1993.

I never bothered to release it anywhere for several reasons. One was that I purposely made the rosters all outta whack. They were not correct 1993-94 rosters. They were “best-of” rosters (like so: the 1985 Islanders; the ’88 Oilers; the ’89 Flames; the ’92 Canadiens; the ’87 Flyers; the ’92 Penguins; et cetera), with plenty of “genetically altered” players (user-created motherfucking monsters and sonofabitching psychopaths) thrown in all willy-nilly like.

So what I recently did was finish the mod. Yup. Almost accurate 1993-94 rosters.

[Edit: Updated pic.]

Yeah, as I get that ready to be thrust out into Public Domain (I’ll post the readme, when it’s done, way below, then, at some point, info on download possibilities), I will paste some screenshots here.

Keep in mind that these screens were taken from games that were being played on a low-end PC with no graphics card. (Also, the graphics settings, I just recalled, were on the lowest detail possible.) So, they will look better on a good system.

I think.

Maybe.

Anyway…check em out.


Zarley Zalapski.


Trent Yawney.


Eric Weinrich.


Mike Vernon.


Pat Verbeek.


Troy Murray.


Esa Tikkanen.


Mats Sundin.


Craig Simpson.


Dave Semenko. Heh. Playoff beard…


Teemu Selanne.


Jim Sandlak.


Geoff Sanderson.


Raymond Bourque.


Rob Brown.


Rich Sutter.


Paul Ranheim (after high-sticking Benoit Hogue in the throat).




Billy Ranford.


Chris Pronger.


Paul Gillis, throwing the elbow.


Freddy Olausson.


Adam Oates.


Brian Noonan.


Cam fucking Neely.


Frank Musil.


Craig Muni.


Andy Moog.


Dave McLlwain.


Kent Manderville.


Craig MacTavish.


Al MacInnis.



Kevin Lowe.


Mike Liut.



Rejean Lemelin.


Steve Larmer (and some random Hartford Whaler playing peek-a-boo).


Ha! Lanny MacDonald…


Jari Kurri.


Mike Krushelniski.


John Kordic.


Alexei Kasatonov.


Jocelyn Lemieux. (probably misspelled…)


Jamie Huscroft, and a couple friends, on the Boston bench.


Dave Hunter.


Charlie Huddy (with, I think, Konowalchuk in the background).


Phil Housley.


Benoit Hogue (in pain).


Guy Hebert.


Hawerchuk, Dale. He looks more like himself when his brow isn’t lowered, like it is here…


Hartford bench. The coach is Paul Holmgren, I’m pretty sure. You can see Darryl Sutter on Chicago’s bench, too.


Jeff Hackett. (Not wearing his usual goalie gear; this black jersey is their 3rd.)


Gary Suter.


Gary Roberts.

Huh. I just noticed that the old Flames were full of Garies, while the old Oilers were full of Craigs…


Gord Donnelly.



Number 99.


Michel Goulet.




Grant Fuhr.


Adam Foote.



Stephane Fiset.


It’s here as “D. Shannon,” but I dunno if it’s Darren (or Daren) or Daryl (or Darryl), and I don’t really care. Weren’t they twins, anyway?


Doug Houda (with some other Whaler, playing air guitar, nearby).


Dirk Graham. Always liked that name. Dirk. I wish I were a Dirk. Instead of just being a jerk!

Dirk Nord. Nordirk.

Yeah.


Old Doug Wilson.


Randy Cunneyworth.

I was once cunnae-worth, too…


John Cullen. (Bad deal, Hartford…Cullen for Francis…tsk tsk.)


Alain Cote.


Christian Ruutu, coming over the bench. I forgot how easily Darryl Sutter’s face came off…


Another Whaler. Andrew Cassels this time.


Wow, I must have been aiming this thing at old Hartford fans. Although these were taken six years ago…

That there’s Adam Burt.


Doug Bodger.


Bobby Smith.


Eddie Belfour. Eddie the Eagle.


Don Beaupre.


Donald Audette.



Heh. Glen Anderson. Glenn? Something like that.

Anywhat, that’s em all.

Ah, fuck it. Here’s a few more…


Isle coach, Al Arbour. He’s having a bad hair day.




Florida goalie, John Vanbiesbrouck. Yes, the Bieser himself.


Mike Bossy.


Tim Cheveldae.



Doug Crossman.


Sergei Fedorov.


Gord Murphy, with Alexander Godynyuk behind him.


Clark motherfucking Gillies.




Ron Hextall.


Mark Howe.


And him too…


Tim Kerr clobbering Shawn Burr.


Vladimir Konstantinov!


Pat Lafontaine.


Paul Laus.


Bobby Nystrom. Yes, he looks weird—he never wore a helmet. Neither did Gillies, neither did a lot of them, including MacT above. Oh well, no way to change that…


Brian Propp.

Well, I redid the refs’ faces (with actual 1990s’ refs), and…ugh, some came out funny. This guy looks like that bulbous-headed motherfucker from Star Trek TOS.

Don’t believe me:

Ha!

Seriously, I didn’t use that alien’s face.

Only now I wish I had…he’d be better looking…


Well, this guys alright (whoever it is).


This is supposedly Roger Neilson, Florida’s coach.


Brian Skrudland.



A couple of Billy Smith, with Trottier in the crease there…


Philly bench: Coach Terry Simpson, with Dave Brown sitting in front of him, and Scotty Bowman in the corner, on Detroit’s bench.


John Tonelli.


Dmitri Yushkevich.

Work in progress…to be continued later….

Literally.

Okay, this

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Barrel Of Orangs

Would be more literally.

Horayotangs. I like em.

Figurely, now, the expression itself (“funner than a barrel of monkeys”—if you’re aware of it) denotes irony, sarcasm, sardonicy.

I just made that last one up.

Am I saying that old Nord ain’t having a blast through this rainy winter?

No, I ain’t saying that.

I just ain’t.

Have I said that before?

I’m not saying that either.

I’m not saying I’ve never said I ain’t never had as much fun as one, nevertheless, would have if said what did what?

Of course I’m not saying that.

Look…

What I’m trying to say is I have metaphorically been inside the aforementioned container of simians, and it was juuuuust fine.

Never met a barrel of monkeys I never liked…

Literally, I haven’t—and I ain’t physically, yunno…been in one. However the above statement does hold true.

Although I have shaken hands with a 3-month-old Chimpanzee named “Washington.”

(I’m not kidding.)

And I did have a Barrel of Monkeys—

—when I was a kid.

And my current clip headphones act very much like those Monkeys when they’re not stuck in my ears.

Look…

All I’m saying is give pizza a chance.

(Now, I’m kidding. Although I have been eating too much pizza recently, I have dropped a few notches on the belt since November.)

I guess I’m saying it’s okay. It’s all good. I am, making the best of it.

Is. Was. Will. It is what it is, and will be what I will it to be.

I’ll leave off with something Christmasish.

The Anti-Santa

The daughter of someone I know here was wearing a Santa toque, catching up to her mom in the dusky parking lot. She growled and said, “I’m gonna get you, mom!” She had turned her fingers into claws.

After me and Buddy, back from a secession, laughed a bit, I said under my breath, “Holy shit, she’s the anti-santa!”

Then we had a smoke and talked about the Anti-Santa…

Instead of an old guy, a little girl.

Instead of a red and white toque, a few black and blue feathers.

Instead of giving kids toys, she steals em.

Instead of a floating sled powered by caribou, she’s carried around in a nuclear submarine.

Instead of living at the North Pole—you guessed it, Antarctica.

Instead of being jolly, she’s a little scrag.

Instead of finding out if you’ve been naughty or nice, she implants a device to make you like the pod people from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

And so forth…

Have some good holidays, motherfuckers.

All roads to war lead to Washington…

Yes, more funny “road” sayings…

The road to hell may be paved with good intentions, but the road to war is paved with…?

Meh.

US troops arrive in Poland for exercises across Eastern Europe amid Ukraine crisis

WASHINGTON – U.S. Army paratroopers are arriving in Poland to begin a series of military exercises in four countries across Eastern Europe to bolster allies in the wake of Russia’s annexation of Ukraine’s Crimean Peninsula last month.

Pentagon press secretary Rear Adm. John Kirby said Tuesday that the exercises will last about a month, and initially involve about 600 troops.

An Army company of about 150 soldiers from the 173rd Airborne Brigade Combat Team based in Vicenza, Italy, will start the exercises Wednesday in Poland. Additional Army companies will head to Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania and are expected to arrive by Monday for similar land-based exercises in those countries.

Under the current plan, U.S. troops would rotate in and out of the four countries for additional exercises on a recurring basis.

“We’re looking at trying to keep this rotational presence persistent throughout the rest of this year,” Kirby told reporters, adding that over time the exercises could expand to other countries.

The exercises are part of an effort announced last week by Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel aimed at reassuring NATO allies of America’s commitment to the region’s defense.

I think this is just the beginning.

Canada is also sending troops, I guess.

But I know what you’re thinking…

Is this going to lead to World War Three?

What’s Putin gonna do about being encircled by the regime that funded a coup d’état in Ukraine?

What do you think?

What are North Korea and China gonna do?

What about the UK and the EU?

How is the debt-ridden US to pay for this war with Russia?

Hmmm.

US Foreign Policy Thugs:

These guys make some rather good points.

Is Washington Humanity’s Worst Enemy?

If it’s not, it’ll do until the real worst enemy gets here.

District of Criminals.

Meanwhile, China Defies Obama’s Slow Asia Pivot With Rapid Military Buildup

China’s got a few carrier’s on the build, but they won’t be ready till 2018, at the earliest. And they could never truly challenge the US in the Pacific unless Russia was involved, or if the US Pacific Fleet was gone or otherwise engaged when China makes it move South towards Australia…and across to Japan.

Some political theorists believe nukes could be used, and, if so, then perhaps all that will be a moot point.

I dunno.

I suppose they could do it…you get enough like-minded sociopaths in the highest places of government, banks, and multi-national corporations around the world, and they could be capable of doing it…but it asks the same old question: wouldn’t they destroy their own businesses in the process?

Yes, they would. They’d destroy it all. Tax payers, workers, infrastructure, all of it.

So, this is what I can’t get my head around.

Unless they want all that mayhem, death and destruction, out of which they can build their New World Psychosis…

I suppose we’ll see.

I hope they’re not that crazy.

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Ugh. Well…maybe they are.

Yeah, besides, they’d ruin their owl…and we know how they love their little owls.

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Anyway, be all that as it may, the war is coming, and I feel fine.