babylonians

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Saw a post of something over on Mullet’s site—here’s the link to the text—that made me chuckle, and then I did something stupid. I started thinking about it, and here’s my apeshit reply below (yeah, crazy shit alert; don’t even bother reading it, seriously).

Heh.

I’m impressed by how accurate that basically is (except that agriculture came first, then beer).

The original liberals were the gatherers; the women. The original conservatives were the hunters; the men. The conservatives were kneeling and praying before the hunt, and painting the struggles of life upon the walls of sacred caves (initiation caves). The liberals were carving stone statues of fat women, who they figured were divine figures of fertility; they were also carving the first tenants of the fertility cults to come.

(Of course, by the time the liberals were able to seize power and create the first city built around a temple, the conservatives had been subdued and were now doing all the stone carving; here is the birth of the Masons, and then Freemasons later. It was said that the Freemasons differed greatly in a few key ways, such as they got paid and had some rights.)

What it is not included in the above version: twenty thousand years ago, the liberals started naming everything and began to observe the constellations (the conservatives dug Orion, who they envisioned as a heavenly portrait of Sky Father, a figure out of the Great Mystery, the Creator, who they felt keenly during the long fall hunts; and they dug the North Star, that was about it), but, in true control-freak fashion, the liberals began making up stories about stuff to do with how the sky moved—soon they started erecting monolithic blocks of rock in certain spots, in certain arrangements, and then made claims of knowing the future.

The conservatives were more interested in the simpler things in life—music and an occasional mushroom vision with the shaman to gain insight into themselves and their place in the world. They had already mastered fire, and the bow, and saw no need for all the rock grinding and shiny-stone-seeking. It was thought among some conservatives that chasing game all over was pissing off some of the liberals, since their stone ritual crap required a stationary sort of lifestyle, and the liberals argued that they could plant more seeds and catch animals, fence them in, so you never have to chase them.

But the conservatives stood firm: they had to keep moving, keep after the herds, along side the lions and wolves. Besides, sitting in one spot too long—they knew too well—tended to exhaust too many resources too soon. It lead to starvation and death. It ended with great holes in the world. Plus, it was not honourable to cage a beast for meat, or for any reason; in the hunt, the game has a better chance of escape than the hunter does of feeding his tribe that day. They’d decided; they would not sit still anywhere for long. And the conservatives were respected.

Perhaps it was only a gesture of goodwill that the conservatives let the liberals make jewelry out of the mammoth tusks from their northern hunts (the conservatives, artists themselves, saw it more as a craft than art, but that was okay, it kept them busy), but after a while the liberals wanted more jewels.

It also leaves out the part where the liberals somehow end up suckering all the conservatives into doing their work on the farm, too. When the liberals convinced all the people that a great disaster was coming, and then it was confirmed (say, a comet slamming into a hill on the day it was predicted) by the elders of far away tribes, the people grew afraid and began to side with the liberals more and more.

Soon there was an agreement to enter into a semi-nomadic way of life; the liberals domesticated cats and dogs, and began planting much grain. Populations grew as never before.

Inevitably the liberals carved themselves a stone goddess and built temples (then stone towns near rivers) and surrounding farms,  eventually forcing the people to offer up their male sons as sacrifice to their goddess. (Astarte; Ishtar—Inanna, Dianna, Isis, etc—which is where the word, “Easter” comes from). Some boys were castrated for blood sacrifice; in some places they were thrown into the fire, and “Sign” was read from their screams and writhing; other sacrifices were also burnt offerings (wicker cages set alight with the males within).

This liberal empire spread from Arabia and Mesopotamia to Persia and India, then to Egypt and Greece, around the Black Sea; diluted versions reached the shores of Germania and Spain, North Africa, China and Japan. Later, strange versions spread back down into Africa, to the edge of Australia, and other versions reached Scandinavia and Russia, and then the British Islands. Some believe (and there is evidence that) it even reached Mesoamerica, where the Aztek (Olmec) liberals established an agricultural system of temple-centric city states, and continued the torture and sacrifice of the children and other captive Natives from the jungle.

At the heart of it all, in Asia Minor, the liberals grew rich and made a great Garden, and more and more the people worked on this Garden, taxed, and having to live in squalor. But the small ruling group of liberals grew arrogant and wanted more shiny stones; they held the secret knowledge, and began to see themselves as superior to these drones which they could order about the farms. Society grew decadent with excess and waste, and the conservatives suffered great poverty of spirit, and stranger and more violent rituals came about. And there were more sacrifices when droughts got bad.

The ruling class of liberals became inbred, trying to keep their royal line pure, and maniacs and human abominations slithered out of the human gene pool. They became more and more cruel, brutal, vicious; diseases sprang from them; and when they had all the power and wealth they craved, they entered into more and more extreme perversions, and extreme experiences. Obesity, hedonism, bestiality, and vice reigned among the aristocracy. They drank blood; they enjoyed raping children and listening to them scream, sob, and plead. This was the perverse, mutated and putrid form humanity had taken that is written about in a large collected work (see: Noah) to follow, same characters, same event, same result, different names, different messages.

And then the Flood changed everything. Entire towns were being wiped out, and the liberal oligarchy could not stop it; hell, they didn’t even know it was going to happen—and they were supposed to know; they held some “divine light of knowledge,” didn’t they? Weren’t they enlightened, illuminated?

The people started not to think so; the world seemed to be ending, and they lost faith. There was a great uprising. The people were told later that the gods were angry with the filthy, cruel, evil oligarchs and the flood was their punishment (one of the liberal oligarchs laments that she should have concerned herself more with living beings rather than riches and objects and pleasure). Later still, in a great book, the people would be told that the Deluge was the result of a wicked, sinful, greedy, evil-doing populace. Actually, both reasons were true.

Good thing the conservatives built the Ark and saved one town—when they resettled the Fertile Crescent later, they would start building large walled cities, to prevent any future flood from destroying their great works.

Around the time of the—last—Flood, 5600 BC, the conservatives took back religion and some degree of freedom (the world’s first civil rights movement) and entered into a covenant with the ruling liberal aristocracy, which was a matriarchy, all of which brought about the age of Kings (Sumer). Gilgamesh was the first; he sold out his conservative brothers to a large degree, but things had improved for a while. Nevertheless, the Kings that followed increasingly became cruel and violent, being swayed by the ever-growing court of liberals around them. Members of this court would grow into a shadow government.

By this time, resources had run out in Mesopotamia (over-farmed; devoid of trees; top soil gone due to pastoral herds eating roots everywhere for many centuries—and the Arabian desert was born), so the ruling liberals began using temple prostitutes (and beer) to draw in the sweaty, hairy, hunting conservatives from nearby woods, converting them into a soldier class, to protect the liberal King’s wealth and to be used as an armed force to conquer neighbouring tribes (and stealing their resources). They would tell their people that bad monsters lived there—demon creatures who must be destroyed—like what Sumeria first did to Lebanon (for timber, since Sumer had none), making slaves out of the vanquished. It was the invention of propaganda and set into motion a pattern of tyrannical, raptorial foreign policy that every nation since has copied (and Rome perfected).

Another condition of this covenant was marriage. It was still based upon husbandry (the domestication of wild animals—which is of course where the word “husband” comes from; old Norse hus = house + bondi = dwell, build, cultivate), but the conservatives were being treated a bit better than they had been before the Deluge, what with the third class status and their slum residences located away from their mates and offspring and all. Parts of this old covenant remain: the ring, a smaller symbol of the golden crown of ruling liberals, and the genuflection (kneeling, which is what commoners do in the presence of royalty, the old liberal elite) upon proposal of marriage.

The fashion of the era changed dramatically for conservatives: before the liberal invention of agriculture, they had long hair and beards, wore leather pants and shirts and coats, as well as furs; and after agriculture they were clean-shaven, perfumed, donning jewels if they were of high enough standing, and they all wore dresses like the liberal aristocracy had stipulated. (The lower in society, the lower the skirt; the priests and others wore the longest gowns. They still do to this day: see judges and the Pope.) It would not be until the early settlement of the Americas before conservatives started wearing pants again.

Some time during this, male cattle replaced male children in sacrifice (even though men were still being circumcised and made into eunuchs); this is why in many places the bull (or ram) is revered, and in India it’s actually held as sacred and not killed (yes, they will eat beef if someone else kills it; it was never “sacred cow;” it’s in fact “sacred bull”), which is common knowledge. Vegetarianism began not as any sort of “healthy lifestyle,” nor was it about eating meat at all; it was originally about what the gods/goddesses of the liberals of old were eating.

However, even though boys stopped getting their balls chopped off for Astarte, male sacrifice continued in a more subtle form: seasonal warfare.

And of course by the time of Jesus, with all the “I am the lamb” stuff, the “I am the sacrifice” stuff, well, this doomed the liberal cult of Astarte and her ilk. The next true conservative social movement began, and the practice of almost all forms of animal sacrifice faded away (although some forms of plant sacrifice remained—ever offer your sweetheart some flowers?—you’re carrying on an ancient ritual of offering life to the idols of the liberal aristocracy).

Male sacrifice crept back under the Catholic Church (once the Eastern Roman Empire absorbed the conservative movement of Jesus, the castrati was eventually formed: the practice of castration of young boys for the Church choirs), with no doubt much liberal infiltration to bring “Mary” (the pig goddess Astarte wearing a nun’s costume) back into observance.

Things started looking grim for the conservatives again, but then Martin Luther came along and another religious revolution took place—and the Protestants were born.

The conservatives did alright for a while, although the devious liberals were at it again. They had begun a secret society called the “Illuminati,” a much more organized and connected organization than the other types they’d tried before, and came up with a plan for overthrowing the conservatives and their pesky Elohim-type one-god stuff; lingering in the Pagan shadows, they had continued their religious rituals and practices, but now they were gaining new minions fleeing persecution from the out-of-control Catholic Church, which they had also infiltrated to a large extent.

After discovery in Bavaria and further persecution, plotting their revenge, they proceeded to infiltrate the Masonic organizations, then later the banks. After all, they had invented money as another tool to draw in wild, good-hearted and hard-partying conservatives out of their forested places and into the cities. And enslave them there doing something called “work,” which remains a sub-religion to this day, now more specialized as a “trade” or “career.”

And we all know the rest—things have come full circle: the conservatives are once more under the cloud of liberal tyranny, whose scientific collaborators have brought the entire planet within their grasp, and they are pressing hard and gaining ground fast as they implement their “New Secular Order.”

There. Just filled in some crucial gaps…okay, but his was funnier.

Show »

Duncelor: “Yo.”

Gornok: “Ready for part two?”

Duncelor: “Part two of what?”

Gornok: “Our examination of the oldest—and I think weirdest—story written in recent history, The Epic of Gilgamesh. Of course.”

Duncelor: “Damn it. Well, refresh my memory. I drank a lot last night. What’s this about?”

The Epic of Gilgamesh, an epic poem from Mesopotamia, is amongst the earliest surviving works of literature. The literary history of Gilgamesh begins with five independent Sumerian poems about ‘Bilgamesh’ (Sumerian for Gilgamesh), king of Uruk. Four of these were used as source material for a combined epic in Akkadian. This first combined epic, known as the “Old Babylonian” version, dates to the 18th century BC and is titled after its incipit, Shūtur eli sharrī (“Surpassing All Other Kings”). Only a few fragments of it have survived. The later “Standard Babylonian” version dates from the 13th to the 10th centuries BC and bears the incipit Sha naqba īmuru (“He who Saw the Deep”, in modern terms: ‘He who Sees the Unknown). Fragments of approximately two thirds of this longer, twelve-tablet version have been recovered. Some of the best copies were discovered in the library ruins of the 7th-century BC Assyrian king Ashurbanipal.

Duncelor: “Oh. Right.”

Gornok: “Ready for part two?”

Duncelor: “No…here’s Part One.”

Gornok: “Ready for part two?”

Duncelor: “No…but let’s do it anyway. Where’d we leave off?”

Gornok: “The Bull of Heaven?”

Duncelor: “What do we know about this thing?”

The worship of the Sacred Bull throughout the ancient world is most familiar to the Western world in the Biblical episode of the idol of the Golden Calf. The Golden Calf after being made by the Hebrew people in the wilderness of Sinai, were rejected and destroyed by Moses and the Hebrew people after Moses’ time upon Mount Sinai (Book of Exodus). Marduk is the “bull of Utu”. Shiva’s steed is Nandi, the Bull. The sacred bull survives in the constellation Taurus. The bull, whether lunar as in Mesopotamia or solar as in India, is the subject of various other cultural and religious incarnations, as well as modern mentions in new age cultures.

Gornok: “Wait, that’s—”

Duncelor: “Wait…”

The Bull of Heaven is the constellation we call Taurus. He is controlled by the sky god Anu.

The Bull of Heaven appears in the Epic of Gilgamesh. After Gilgamesh upsets the goddess Ishtar, she convinces her father Anu to send the Bull of Heaven to earth to destroy the crops and kill people. However, Gilgamesh and Enkidu kill the Bull of Heaven.

The gods are angry that the Bull of Heaven has been killed. As punishment for killing the bull Enkidu falls ill and dies.

Gornok: “Okay. Well, a spoiler there…”

Duncelor: “We left off with Ishtar (Inanna in Babylon; Astarte—“fertility, sexuality, and war”—in Syria; Ashtart in Egypt; Aphrodite in Greece—-as well as: “her name is the second name in an energy chant sometimes used in Wicca: ‘Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Inanna'”) having a childish hissy fit over Gilgamesh (showing rare courage) pointing out a few facts she found disrespectful—slanderously true.”

Astarte/Ishtar/Inanna

Gornok: “Right. He blabbed.”

Duncelor: “Huh?”

Gornok: “This goddess, unto which so many humans were sacrificed, and so many boys’ sexual organs ended up sacrificed, shows her divine character by crying like a little girl and running to mommy and daddy, seeking bloody revenge.”

Duncelor: “Yeah, well. Ishtar wanted the crown of Gilgamesh—and we suspect this has to do with what happened because the covenant just after (or during) the Flood of 5600 BC. The women of the ruling order were no longer allowed to assume the power of the State directly. Politics became something only the men were allowed to do—ruling as figureheads—as we recall from the last episode, “When kingship from heaven was lowered, the kingship was in Eridu.” And this pisses Ishtar off—she wants Gilgamesh dead via some sort of “Bull of Heaven”, then saying to her father, Anu…”

If you do not give me the Bull of Heaven,
I will knock down the Gates of the Netherworld,

Gornok: “What’s interesting is that the ram and the bull, et cetera, replaced the sacrifice of men and boys. The bull in particular became a “sacred” symbol due to this. That’s why it is not killed in India and in other places.”

Astarte Sacrifice

Duncelor: “Who’s that?”

Gornok: “Astarte—Ishtar—statue of some sacrifice deal.”

Duncelor: “So, you still think these so-called ‘gods’ were just people?”

Gornok: “—who never grew up, and were spoiled and brain-washed from birth that they were ‘divine.'”

Duncelor: “Hmmm. I guess it is likely…”

Gornok: “Yes, likely. The ruling order, I think, is the same order that appears today as the ‘Illuminati.'”

Duncelor: “Huh? So, these are their ancestors here, doing what they used to do?”

Sumerian Royalty

Gornok: “I think so. Back to Ishtar. ‘Hell hath no fury like a spoiled princess who can’t get her way.'”

Astarte

Gornok: “Literally. Those are skulls beneath her, skulls of men…”

I will smash the door posts, and leave the doors flat down,
and will let the dead go up to eat the living!
And the dead will outnumber the living!”
Anu addressed princess Ishtar, saying:
“If you demand the Bull of Heaven from me,
there will be seven years of empty husks for the land of Uruk.
Have you collected grain for the people!
Have you made grasses grow for the animals?”
Ishtar addressed Anu, her father, saying:
“I have heaped grain in the granaries for the people,
I made grasses grow for the animals,
in order that they might eat in the seven years of empty husks.
I have collected grain for the people,
I have made grasses grow for the animals.”
When Anu heard her words, he placed the nose-rope of the Bull of Heaven in her hand.

Duncelor: “Okay, okay, whoa. Back up. Let’s go back to this ‘Gates of the Netherworld’ stuff…is this mentioned in the Bible?”

Gornok: “Oh, you betcha…regarding Peter’s Confession about Jesus…”

13 When Jesus went into the region of Caesarea Philippi he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?”
14 They replied, “Some say John the Baptist, others Elijah, still others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”
15 He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?”
16 Simon Peter said in reply, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”
17 Jesus said to him in reply, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah. For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my heavenly Father.
18 “And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it.
19 I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven. Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”

—Matthew, chapters 13-19.

Duncelor: “Holy shit! Jesus mentions it?”

Gornok: “Yes.”

Jesus said to him in reply, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah. For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my heavenly Father.”

Duncelor: “What’s that?”

Gornok: “Jesus saying that he learned that not through reading signs but through the true sky Father.”

That function of Peter consists in his being witness to Jesus as the Messiah, the Son of the living God. The gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it: the netherworld (Greek Hades, the abode of the dead) is conceived of as a walled city whose gates will not close in upon the church of Jesus, i.e., it will not be overcome by the power of death.

Duncelor: “Bloody hell…”

Gornok: “Quite literally, yes. Reading signs, signs from fire (Moloch, Baal, and company?), signs from organs—”

Duncelor: “What on earth is that?”

Gornok: “Watch this…”

Duncelor: “Right, right. Okay, so… There were all sorts of ways to sacrifice—blood, meat, organs, burnt offerings—and priests/priestesses would read the sings.”

Gornok: “Yeah, anyway…”

Duncelor: “So, here we have Ishtar—who would be called Satan in todays religious atmosphere—threatening to unleash all hell…?”

Gornok: “Again…”

I will smash the door posts, and leave the doors flat down,
and will let the dead go up to eat the living!
And the dead will outnumber the living!”
Anu addressed princess Ishtar, saying:
“If you demand the Bull of Heaven from me,
there will be seven years of empty husks for the land of Uruk.
Have you collected grain for the people!
Have you made grasses grow for the animals?”
Ishtar addressed Anu, her father, saying:
“I have heaped grain in the granaries for the people,
I made grasses grow for the animals,
in order that they might eat in the seven years of empty husks.
I have collected grain for the people,
I have made grasses grow for the animals.”
When Anu heard her words, he placed the nose-rope of the Bull of Heaven in her hand.

Duncelor: “A statue in India…”

Ishtar led the Bull of Heaven down to the earth.
When it reached Uruk It climbed down to the Euphrates…
At the snort of the Bull of Heaven a huge pit opened up,
and 100 Young Men of Uruk fell in.
At his second snort a huge pit opened up,
and 200 Young Men of Uruk fell in.
At his third snort a huge pit opened up,
and Enkidu fell in up to his waist.
Then Enkidu jumped out and seized the Bull of Heaven by its horns.
the Bull spewed his spittle in front of him,
with his thick tail he flung his dung behind him (?).
Enkidu addressed Gilgamesh, saying:
“My friend, we can be bold(?) …
How shall we respond…
My friend, I saw…
And my strength…
I will rip out…
I and you, we must share (?)
I shall grasp the Bull
I will fill my hands (?) ..
In front…

between the nape, the horns, and… thrust your sword.”
Enkidu stalked and hunted down the Bull of Heaven.
He grasped it by the thick of its tail
and held onto it with both his hands (?),
while Gilgamesh, like an expert butcher,

Gornok: “So, here comes Enkidu—in a scene that has probably been repeated several times in history, with different names for the role of the Messiah who stops the sacrifice—later to be written in a much more subtle way as Jesus Christ saying that he is the sacrifice, stopping the cult of Astarte being practiced. Enkidu is saving 300 “young men” of Uruk from being slaughtered to the Astare-Ishtar cult…”

Duncelor: “The last line, Gilgamesh comes with Enkidu. Sure, he’s an expert butcher—when someone’s holding down his victim for him, just like Humbaba.”

Gornok: “Reading this part always reminded me of the scene in the Ten Commandments in which Moses, played by Charleton Heston, comes back with The Law and finds the people gone haywire, about to sacrifice unto a Golden Calf. So after a bit Moses tosses the stone tablets and it causes a great pit to open up in the earth…”

Duncelor: “That’s right, I remember that scene. It’s eerily familiar…”

boldly and surely approached the Bull of Heaven.
Between the nape, the horns, and… he thrust his sword.
After they had killed the Bull of Heaven,
they ripped out its heart and presented it to Shamash.
They withdrew bowing down humbly to Shamash.
Then the brothers sat down together.
Ishtar went up onto the top of the Wall of Uruk-Haven,
cast herself into the pose of mourning, and hurled her woeful curse:
“Woe unto Gilgamesh who slandered me and killed the Bull of
Heaven!”

Duncelor: “Bull!”

Gornok: “Bullshit. It’s a sham, methinks.”

“they ripped out its heart and presented it to Shamash”

Duncelor: “Shamash?”

Gornok: “Heart?”

Duncelor: “Fucking hell. We got the Bull business here, we have reference to zombies—”

“and will let the dead go up to eat the living!
“And the dead will outnumber the living!”

Gornok: “Bull business related to—coming out of ranching, herding, husbandry—a Golden Calf—”

Duncelor: “—Yeah, the animal and human sacrifice, too—statues of Bulls worshipped in places like India—”

Gornok: “—since the Indus culture?—as well as hearts being ripped out—”

Duncelor: “And zombies.”

Gornok: “And the Dead. Yeah. Eating the living?”

Duncelor: “So we got that going for us…”

Gornok: “And zombies on top of all that. Actually, the accounts of Plato’s Atlantis has elements of bull sacrifice. That’s 9000 BC? Anyway, puts it on par with sites in Turkey and of course Egypt.”

Duncelor: “Hmm. Hearts being ripped out and shown to a hijacked sky god. Who was Shamash?”

Shamash, (Akkadian), Sumerian Utu, in Mesopotamian religion, the god of the sun, who, with the moon god, Sin (Sumerian: Nanna), and Ishtar (Sumerian: Inanna; Syrian Astarte), the goddess of Venus, was part of an astral triad of divinities. Shamash was the son of Sin.

Gornok: “So…what are we saying here?”

Duncelor: “Yeah, I know. If the writers of the Christ copied the character of older figures like Enkidu, and so forth, then Jesus really did die for our Sins?”

Gornok: “Hmmm.”

Shamash, as the solar deity, exercised the power of light over darkness and evil. In this capacity he became known as the god of justice and equity and was the judge of both gods and men. (According to legend, the Babylonian king Hammurabi received his code of laws from Shamash.) At night, Shamash became judge of the underworld.

Duncelor: “A god and devil deity.”

Gornok: “Seems so—they were split up later, I think.”

Duncelor: “Okay, leave all that be for now…back to Ishtar. Slandered? Her own father, Anu, said it was true; and he said she had it coming for provoking him! She blackmailed the old bugger to finally get her way…”

When Enkidu heard this pronouncement of Ishtar,
he wrenched off the Bull’s hindquarter and flung it in her face:
“If I could only get at you I would do the same to you!
I would drape his innards over your arms!”
Ishtar assembled the (cultic women) of lovely-locks, joy-girls, and harlots,
and set them to mourning over the hindquarter of the Bull.

Gornok: “This scene most likely returned in the tale of the Golden Calf—from the Old Testament—a little later in history…”

Duncelor: “Ishtar assembled the (cultic women) of lovely-locks, joy-girls, and harlots—The Whore of Sumer and her army.”

Gilgamesh summoned all the artisans and craftsmen.
(All) the artisans admired the thickness of its horns,
each fashioned from 30 minas of lapis lazuli!
Two fingers thick is their casing(?).
Six vats of oil the contents of the two
he gave as ointment to his (personal) god Lugalbanda.

Gornok: “Gilgamesh’s actual father.”

He brought the horns in and hung them in the bedroom of the family
head (Lugalbanda?).
They washed their hands in the Euphrates,
and proceeded hand in hand,
striding through the streets of Uruk.
The men of Uruk gathered together, staring at them.
Gilgamesh said to the palace retainers:
“Who is the bravest of the men!
Who is the boldest of the males!
Gilgamesh is the bravest of the men,

Gornok: “Ha!”

the boldest of the males!
She at whom we flung the hindquarter of the Bull of Heaven in anger,

Duncelor: “Yeah, I call bullshit.” There’s that again. My bold.”

Gornok: “It must have been a big deal—a great affront to the old order.”

Duncelor: “The old religion?”

Gornok: “Yes. Wait, umm…no, that was Enkidu: “When Enkidu heard this pronouncement of Ishtar, he wrenched off the Bull’s hindquarter and flung it in her face.”

Duncelor: “Well, sure. Gilgamesh is saying we now.”

Gornok: “Pig goddess, coming up…”

Ishtar has no one that pleases her… in the street (?)
Gilgamesh held a celebration in his palace.
The Young Men dozed off, sleeping on the couches of the night.
Enkidu was sleeping, and had a dream.
He woke up and revealed his dream to his friend.

Tablet VII

Enkidu’s Dream

“My friend, why are the Great Gods in conference?
(In my dream) Anu, Enlil, and Shamash held a council,
and Anu spoke to Enlil:
‘Because they killed the Bull of Heaven and have also slain Humbaba,
the one of them who pulled up the Cedar of the Mountain must die!’
Enlil said: ‘Let Enkidu die, but Gilgamesh must not die!’
Bur the Sun God of Heaven replied to valiant Enlil:
‘Was it not at my command that they killed the Bull of
Heaven and Humbaba!
Should now innocent Enkidu die!’
Then Enlil became angry at Shamash, saying:
‘it is you who are responsible because you traveled daily
with them as their friend!”

Gornok: “My friend, why are the Great Gods in conference?”

Duncelor: “Now…there’s a question.”

Gornok: “Anu, Enlil, and Shamash held a council…”

Duncelor: “The pre-Deluge oligarchy, in Enkidu’s dream…”

Enlil said: ‘Let Enkidu die, but Gilgamesh must not die!’

Gornok: “Anu, Enlil, and Shamash—Sky, Air and Sun—saying Gilgamesh cannot die.”

Duncelor: “Well, must not anyway. Why? I know you have a theory…”

Gornok: “Enkidu was just a conquered slave—Gilgamesh was part of a blood line, the figurehead ruler, something in which the ruling order had had a vested interest. By putting a dude on a throne and claiming he rules, the ruling elite can go forth doing their evil shit in the shadows, never being in the light of day. That’s why ‘kingships’ happened. They were set up so that if shit went south again, the King would be blamed.”

Duncelor: “And not the true ruling oligarchy…”

Gornok: “Righto.”

Enkidu was lying (sick) in front of Gilgamesh.
His tears flowing like canals, he (Gilgamesh) said:
“O brother, dear brother, why are they absolving me instead of
my brother?”
Then Enkidu said: “So now must I become a ghost,
to sit with the ghosts of the dead, to see my dear brother
nevermore!”
In the Cedar Forest where the Great Gods dwell, I did not kill the Cedar.”
Enkidu addressed Gilgamesh,
saying to Gilgamesh, his Friend:
“Come, Friend,…
The door…
Enkidu raised his eyes,…and spoke to the door as if it were human:
“You stupid wooden door,
with no ability to understand… !
Already at 10 leagues I selected the wood for you,
until I saw the towering Cedar …
Your wood was without compare in my eyes.
Seventy-two cubits was your height, 14 cubits your width, one
cubit your thickness,
your door post, pivot stone, and post cap …
I fashioned you, and I carried you; to Nippur…
Had I known, O door, that this would he your gratitude
and this your gratitude…,
I would have taken an axe and chopped you up,
and lashed your planks into…
in its … I erected the…
and in Uruk…they heard

Duncelor: “The dude is chastising…a…door…”

Gornok: “Enkidu betrayed his people, the animals he used to protect from trappers, and he also betrayed the forest, his home. That’s where the wood for the gates, doors, chairs—et cetera—came from.”

Duncelor: “So?”

Gornok: “So, now he’s feeling guilty about it.”

Duncelor: “Hmmm.”

But yet, O door, I fashioned you, and I carried you to Nippur!
May a king who comes after me reject you, may the god…
may he remove my name and set his own name there!”
He ripped out.., threw down.
He (Gilgamesh) kept listening to his words, and retorted quickly,
Gilgamesh listened to the words of Enkidu, his Friend, and his tears flowed.

Duncelor: “Crying again…”

Gornok: “Gilgamesh and his crocodile tears.”

Gilgamesh addressed Enkidu, raying:
‘Friend, the gods have given you a mind broad and …
Though it behooves you to be sensible, you keep uttering improper things!
Why, my Friend, does your mind utter improper things?
The dream is important but very frightening,
your lips are buzzing like flies.
Though there is much fear, the dream is very important.

Duncelor: “Improper things!”

Gornok: “Wait for it…”

To the living they (the gods) leave sorrow,
to the living the dream leaves pain.
I will pray, and beseech the Great Gods,
I will seek…, and appeal to your god.
… Enlil, the Father of the Gods,
…Enlil the Counselor…you.
I will fashion a statue of you of gold without measure,
do nor worry…, gold…
What Enlil says is not…
What he has said cannot go back, cannot …,
What… he has laid down cannot go back, cannot…
My friend,… of fate goes to mankind.”
Just as dawn began to glow, Enkidu raised his head and cried out to Shamash,
at the (first) gleam of the sun his tears poured forth.
“I appeal to you, O Shamash, on behalf of my precious life (?),
because of that notorious trapper
who did not let me attain the same as my friend
May the trapper not get enough to feed himself .
May his profit be slashed, and his wages decrease,
may… be his share before you,
may he not enter … but go out of it like vapor(?)!”
After he had cursed the trapper to his satisfaction,
his heart prompted him to curse the Harlot.
“Come now, Harlot, I am going to decree your fate,
a fate that will never come to an end for eternity!
I will curse you with a Great Curse,
may my curses overwhelm you suddenly, in an instant!
May you not be able to make a household,
and not be able to love a child of your own (?)!
May you not dwell in the … of girls,
may dregs of beer (?) stain your beautiful lap,
may a drunk soil your festal robe with vomit(?),
… the beautiful (?)
… of the potter.

Duncelor: “What’s going on?”

Gornok: “Now he’s cursing the whore, Shamhat. Servant of Ishtar.”

Duncelor: “Oh, temple whore.”

Gornok: “They prefer ‘Temple Prostitute.'”

Duncelor: “Fine. So, what’s he doing now?”

Gornok: “Lamenting and cursing. It seems this life—yeah, the “become like a god but really end up as a personal slave to the fruity king” one isn’t too cool anymore—he just ain’t digging it.”

May you never acquire anything of bright alabaster,
may the judge. ..
may shining silver(?), man’s delight, not be cast into your house,
may a gateway be where you rake your pleasure,’
may a crossroad be your home
may a wasteland be your sleeping place,
may the shadow of the city wall be your place to stand,
may the thorns and briars skin your feet,
may both the drunk and the dry slap you on the cheek,
… in your city’s streets (?),
may owls nest in the cracks of your walls!

Duncelor: “Oh snap! Not the owls in the walls!”

Gornok: “I guess owls symbolized something ominous back then—demonic women were associated with them, such as Lilith, who was known in the Sumerian era as “Kiskil-lilla,” who was notoriously feared and loathed for ‘harming male children.'”

Duncelor: “Well, seems to me the State killed more children than anything else…”

Gornok: “That’s true.”

Duncelor: “Who the fuck is Lilith?”

Gornok: “Coming up later…”

may no parties take place…
… present(?).
and your filthy “lap” … may.., be his(?)
Because of me…
while I, blameless, you have… against me.
When Shamash heard what his mouth had uttered,
he suddenly called out to him from the sky:
“Enkidu, why are you cursing the harlot, Shamhat,
she who fed you bread fit for a god,

Duncelor: “Okay, Sham-ash, heard the cursing of Shamhat, and starts all this shit.”

Gornok: “He wasn’t starving before he met her…”

she who gave you wine fit for a king,

Gornok: “He wasn’t thirsty, or an alcoholic, before he met her…”

she who dressed you in grand garments,

Gornok: “His skins served him just fine before he met her…”

and she who allowed you to make beautiful Gilgamesh your comrade!

Duncelor: “Hmm…no mention of the trapper who brought her in the first place—”

Gornok: “I bet his curse stands while she gets off scot-free…”

Now Gilgamesh is your beloved brother-friend!
He will have you lie on a grand couch,
will have you lie on a couch of honor.
He will seat you in the seat of ease, the seat at his left,
so that the princes of the world kiss your feet.
He will have the people of Uruk go into mourning and moaning over you,
will fill the happy people with woe over you.
And after you he will let his body bear a filthy mat of hair,
will don the skin of a lion and roam the wilderness.”
As soon as Enkidu heard the words of valiant Shamash,
his agitated heart grew calm, his anger abated.
Enkidu spoke to the harlot, saying:
“Come, Shamhat, I will decree your fate for you.
Let my mouth which has cursed you, now turn to bless you!

Duncelor: “Oh, Christ, now what?”

Gornok: “Yep. Sucker…”

May governors and nobles love you,
May he who is one league away bite his lip (in anticipation of you),
may he who is two leagues away shake out his locks (in preparation)!
May the soldier not refuse you, but undo his buckle for you,
may he give you rock crystal(!), lapis lazuli, and gold,
may his gift to you be earrings of filigree(?).
May… his supplies be heaped up.
May he bring you into the … of the gods.
May the wife, the mother of seven (children),
be abandoned because of you!”

Duncelor: “Wishing the whore well, or is he cursing her?”

Gornok: “Nice guy now—hell, what whore wouldn’t want a life like that? Families destroyed, constant attention, worship, diamonds and gold jewels and crap. Materialism ad nauseum…”

Duncelor: “Huh?”

Gornok: “Okay, okay, so I’m a little harsh with the guy. I admire his ability to forgive—sounds vaguely like Jesus here, blessing that which he had cursed, damned. So, no, he’s not a total sack of crap. But he still didn’t forgive the trapper—or even fucking mention Gilganuts himself, his bestest bosom buddy chum life-long pal, who sent Shamhat to begin with and then enslaved him!”.

Duncelor: “Uhhhh….”

Enkidu’s innards were churning,
lying there so alone.
He spoke everything he felt, saying to his friend:
“Listen, my friend, to the dream that I had last night.
The heavens cried out and the earth replied,
and I was standing between them.
There appeared a man of dark visage–
his face resembled the Anzu,”
his hands were the paws of a lion,
his nails the talons of an eagle!–
he seized me by my hair and overpowered me.
I struck him a blow, but he skipped about like a jump rope,
and then he struck me and capsizcd me like a raft,
and trampled on me like a wild bull.
He encircled my whole body in a clamp.
‘Help me, my friend” (I cried),
but you did not rescue me, you were afraid and did not.. .”
“Then he… and turned me into a dove,
so that my arms were feathered like a bird.
Seizing me, he led me down to the House of Darkness,
the dwelling of Irkalla,
to the house where those who enter do not come out,
along the road of no return,
to the house where those who dwell, do without light,
where dirt is their drink, their food is of clay,
where, like a bird, they wear garments of feathers,
and light cannot be seen, they dwell in the dark,
and upon the door and bolt, there lies dust.
On entering the House of Dust,
everywhere I looked there were royal crowns gathered in heaps,
everywhere I listened, it was the bearers of crowns,
who, in the past, had ruled the land,
but who now served Anu and Enlil cooked meats,
served confections, and poured cool water from waterskins.
In the house of Dust that I entered
there sat the high priest and acolyte,
there sat the purification priest and ecstatic,
there sat the anointed priests of the Great Gods.
There sat Etana, there sat Sumukan,
there sat Ereshkigal, the Queen of the Netherworld.
Beletseri, the Scribe of the Netherworld, knelt before her,
she was holding the tablet and was reading it out to her Ereshkigal.
She raised her head when she saw me—-
‘Who has taken this man?’
[50 lines are missing here]

Duncelor: “Probably a good thing—this is getting tedious…”

Standard of Ur

Gornok: “Wanna take a break?”

Duncelor: “For beer?”

Gornok: “What do I look like?”

…I (?) who went through every difficulty,
remember me and forget(?) not all that I went through with you.
“My friend has had a dream that bodes ill?”
The day he had the dream … came to an end.
Enkidu lies down a first day, a second day,
that Enkidu … in his bed;
a third day and fourth day, that Enkidu … in his bed;
a fifth, a sixth, and seventh, that Enkidu … in his bed;
an eighth, a ninth, a tenth, that Enkidu … in his bed.
Enkidu’s illness grew ever worse.
Enkidu drew up from his bed,
and called out to Gilgamesh …:
“My friend hates me …
while he talked with me in Uruk
as I was afraid of the battle he encouraged me.
My friend who saved me in battle has now abandoned me!
I and you …

[About 20 lines are missing]

At his noises Gilgamesh was roused …
Like a dove he moaned …
“May he not be held, in death …
O preeminent among men …”
To his friend …
“I will mourn him (?)
I at his side …”

Duncelor: “Anyway, Enkidu is dying.”

Gornok: “Wanna bet it’s syphilis?”

Duncelor: “No.”

Gornok: “—kidding: I don’t gamble.”

Tablet VIII

Duncelor: “I’m skipping ahead a bit…it’s repetitive rubbish.”

Gornok: “Aye. Here’s Gilgamesh mourning his slave-boyfriend-guardian…”

“Hear me, O Elders of Uruk, hear me, O men!
I mourn for Enkidu, my friend,
I shriek in anguish like a mourner.
You, axe at my side, so trusty at my hand–
you, sword at my waist, shield in front of me,
you, my festal garment, a sash over my loins–
an evil demon!) appeared and took him away from me!
My friend, the swift mule, fleet wild ass of the mountain,
panther of the wilderness,
Enkidu, my friend, the swift mule, fleet wild ass of the mountain,
panther of the wilderness,
after we joined together and went up into the mountain,
fought the Bull of Heaven and killed it,
and overwhelmed Humbaba, who lived in the Cedar Forest,
now what is this sleep which has seized you?
You have turned dark and do not hear me!”
But his (Enkidu’s) eyes do not move,
he touched his heart, but it beat no longer.
He covered his friend’s face like a bride,
swooping down over him like an eagle,
and like a lioness deprived of her cubs
he keeps pacing to and fro.
He shears off his curls and heaps them onto the ground,
ripping off his finery and casting it away as an abomination.
Just as day began to dawn, Gilgamesh …
and issued a call to the land:
“You, blacksmith! You, lapidary! You, coppersmith!
You, goldsmith! You, jeweler!
Create ‘My Friend,’ fashion a statue of him.
… he fashioned a statue of his friend.
His features …
…,your chest will be of lapis lazuli, your skin will be of gold.”

[10 lines are missing here.’]

“I had you recline on the great couch,
indeed, on the couch of honor I let you recline,
I had you sit in the position of ease, the seat at the left, so the
princes of the world kissed your feet.
I had the people of Uruk mourn and moan for you,
I filled happy people with woe over you,
and after you (died) I let a filthy mat of hair grow over my body,
and donned the skin of a lion and roamed the wilderness.”
Just as day began to dawn,
he undid his straps …
I… carnelian,

[85 lines are missing here.’]

…to my friend.
… your dagger
to Bibbi …”

[40 lines are missing here.]

” … the judge of the Anunnaki.”
When Gilgamesh heard this
the zikru of the river(!) he created’…
Just as day began to dawn Gilgamesh opened(!) …
and brought out a big table of sissoo wood.
A carnelian bowl he filled with honey,
a lapis lazuli bowl he filled with butter.
He provided … and displayed it before Shamash.

[All of the last column, some 40-50 lines, is missing.]

Duncelor: “Dude.”

Gornok: “Yeah. It’s like he’s performing some ritual or something.”

Duncelor: “Lapis lazuli?”

Gornok: “…”

Duncelor: “Alrighty then. Moving right along…”

Tablet IX

Over his friend, Enkidu, Gilgamesh cried bitterly, roaming the wilderness.
“I am going to die!–am I not like Enkidu?!
Deep sadness penetrates my core,
I fear death, and now roam the wilderness–
I will set out to the region of Utanapishtim, son of Ubartutu,
and will go with utmost dispatch!
When I arrived at mountain passes at nightfall,’
I saw lions, and I was terrified!
I raised my head in prayer to Sin,
to … the Great Lady of the gods my supplications poured
forth, ‘Save me from… !”‘
He was sleeping in the night, but awoke with a start with a dream:
A warrior(!) enjoyed his life–
he raised his axe in his hand,
drew the dagger from his sheath,
and fell into their midst like an arrow.
He struck … and he scattered them,
The name of the former …
The name of the second …

[26 lines are missing here, telling of the beginning of his quest.]

Duncelor: “I have a feeling it will be repeated…”

Gornok: “So, Gilgiboy, in his grief, has another dream.”

Duncelor: “Sure are a fuckload of dreams in here.”

Gornok: “Which they really, really took seriously—so long as someone told them what they meant, according to their twisted religion. And I have a feeling that this is going to justify another invasion of some place…”

Duncelor: “Dude.”

The Scorpion-Beings
The mountain is called Mashu.
Then he reached Mount Mashu,
which daily guards the rising and setting of the Sun,
above which only the dome of the heavens reaches,

Gornok: “Yes: flat Earth with a hard dome called “heaven,” the firma-ment.”

Duncelor: “Say what?”

Gornok: “They told the people that the world was flat and a big hard dome covered it. And the stars were little holes in this firm-a-ment, just as it was written in the Bible.”

Duncelor: “Is that a fact?”

Gornok: “Well, this really is the Bible’s first edition—more on that later.”

and whose flank reaches as far as the Netherworld below,
there were Scorpion-beings watching over its gate.
Trembling terror they inspire, the sight of them is death,
their frightening aura sweeps over the mountains.
At the rising and setting they watch over the Sun.
When Gilgamesh saw them, trembling terror blanketed his face,

Duncelor: “Again, he becomes a pansy; what’s with this guy?”

Gornok: “The “bravest of males” is afraid of his own bloody shadow…”

Duncelor: “Yeah.”

Gornok: “Maybe these scorpion beings were based on a fierce tribe of some sort.”

Duncelor: “Oh, like Humbaba or whatever. Possibly…”

but he pulled himself together and drew near to them.
The scorpion-being called out to his female:
“He who comes to us, his body is the flesh of gods!”
The scorpion-being, his female, answered him:
“(Only) two-thirds of him is a god, one-third is human.”
The male scorpion-being called out,
saying to the offspring of the gods:
“Why have you traveled so distant a journey?
Why have you come here to me,
over rivers whose crossing is treacherous!
I want to learn your …
I want to learn …”

[16 lines are missing here. When the text resumes Gilgamesh is speaking.]

“I have come on account of my ancestor Utanapishtim,
who joined the Assembly of the Gods, and was given eternal life.
About Death and Life I must ask him!”
The scorpion-being spoke to Gilgamesh …, saying:
“Never has there been, Gilgamesh, a mortal man who could do that(?).
No one has crossed through the mountains,
for twelve leagues it is darkness throughout–
dense is the darkness, and light there is none.
To the rising of the sun …
To the setting of the sun …
To the setting of the sun …
They caused to go out…”

Duncelor: “Shit’s gonna get dark.”

Gornok: “Again, mortality creeps up.”

Duncelor: “I have not read this tablet at all before, so this is interesting.”

Gornok: “Is it that these “scorpion-beings” didn’t know about death (no awareness of mortality) or wanted to learn of immortality? Once more, these beings might be some sort of tribe…”

[67 lines are missing, in which Gilgamesh convinces the scorpion-being to allow him
passage.]

“Though it be in deep sadness and pain,
in cold or heat …
gasping after breath … I will go on!
Now! Open the Gate!”
The scorpion-being spoke to Gilgamesh, saying:
“Go on, Gilgamesh, fear not!
The Mashu mountains I give to you freely (!),
the mountains, the ranges, you may traverse …
In safety may your feet carry you.
The gate of the mountain …”
To the rising of the sun …
To the setting of the sun …
To the setting of the sun …
They caused to go out…”

[67 lines are missing, in which Gilgamesh convinces the scorpion-being to allow him
passage.]

“Though it be in deep sadness and pain,
in cold or heat …
gasping after breath … I will go on!
Now! Open the Gate!”
The scorpion-being spoke to Gilgamesh, saying:
“Go on, Gilgamesh, fear not!
The Mashu mountains I give to you freely (!),
the mountains, the ranges, you may traverse …
In safety may your feet carry you.
The gate of the mountain …”
As soon as Gilgamesh heard this
he heeded the utterances of the scorpion-being.
Along the Road of the Sun he journeyed–
one league he traveled …,
dense was the darkness, light there was none.
Neither what lies ahead nor behind does it allow him to see.
Two leagues he traveled …,
dense was the darkness, light there was none,
neither what lies ahead nor behind does it allow him to see.

[22 lines are missing here.]

Duncelor: “Good!

Gornok: “Snipping the next bit—all the leagues he’s travelling, in darkness: monotonous…”

Duncelor: “But if you like dank, forget about it!”

… is near,
… four leagues.
Eleven leagues he traveled and came out before the sun(rise).
Twelve leagues he traveled and it grew brilliant.
…it bears lapis lazuli as foliage,
bearing fruit, a delight to look upon.

[25 lines are missing here, describing the garden in detail.]

cedar
agate
… of the sea … lapis lazuli,
like thorns and briars … carnelian,
rubies, hematite,…
like… emeralds (!)
… of the sea,
Gilgamesh … on walking onward,
raised his eyes and saw …

Gornok: “Huh.”

Tablet X

The tavern-keeper Siduri who lives by the seashore,
she lives…
the pot-stand was made for her, the golden fermenting vat was made for her.
She is covered with a veil …
Gilgamesh was roving about…
wearing a skin,…
having the flesh of the gods in his body,
but sadness deep within him,
looking like one who has been traveling a long distance.
The tavern-keeper was gazing off into the distance,
puzzling to herself, she said,
wondering to herself:
“That fellow is surely a murderer(!)!
Where is he heading! …”
As soon as the tavern-keeper saw him, she bolted her door,
bolted her gate, bolted the lock.
But at her noise Gilgamesh pricked up his ears,
lifted his chin (to look about) and then laid his eyes on her.
Gilgamesh spoke to the tavern-keeper, saying:
“Tavern-keeper, what have you seen that made you bolt
your door,
bolt your gate, bolt the lock!
if you do not let me in I will break your door, and smash
the lock!
… the wilderness.”
… Gilgamesh

Duncelor: “That whole scene repeats stupidly, until…”

“Tavern-keeper, what have you seen that made you bolt
your door,
bolt your gate, bolt the lock!
if you do not let me in I will break your door, and smash
the lock!
… the wilderness.”
… Gilgamesh
… gate
Gilgamesh said to the tavern-keeper:
“I am Gilgamesh, I killed the Guardian!
I destroyed Humbaba who lived in the Cedar Forest,
I slew lions in the mountain passes!
I grappled with the Bull that came down from heaven, and
killed him.”
The tavern-keeper spoke to Gilgamesh, saying:
“lf you are Gilgamesh, who killed the Guardian,
who destroyed Humbaba who lived in the Cedar Forest,
who slew lions in the mountain passes,
who grappled with the Bull that came down from heaven, and
killed him,
why are your cheeks emaciated, your expression desolate!
Why is your heart so wretched, your features so haggard!
Why is there such sadness deep within you!
Why do you look like one who has been traveling a long
distance
so that ice and heat have seared your face!
… you roam the wilderness!”
Gilgamesh spoke to her, to the tavern-keeper he said:
“Tavern-keeper, should not my cheeks be emaciated?
Should my heart not be wretched, my features not haggard?
Should there not be sadness deep within me!
Should I not look like one who has been traveling a long
distance,
and should ice and heat not have seared my face!
…, should I not roam the wilderness?
My friend, the wild ass who chased the wild donkey, panther of
the wilderness,
Enkidu, the wild ass who chased the wild donkey, panther of
the wilderness,

we joined together, and went up into the mountain.

Gornok: “Endiku was a “beast of burden”—his slave—as well as a “panther”—a hunter. And they were more than “just friends,” I guess.”

Duncelor: “Yeah. He became his bitch. Anyway…Gilgamesh is lying through his teeth, taking credit for shit other people did.”

Gornok: “Like a king…”

We grappled with and killed the Bull of Heaven,
we destroyed Humbaba who lived in the Cedar Forest,
we slew lions in the mountain passes!
My friend, whom I love deeply, who went through every hard-
ship with me,
Enkidu, whom I love deeply, who went through every hardship
with me,
the fate of mankind has overtaken him.
Six days and seven nights I mourned over him
and would not allow him to be buried
until a maggot fell out of his nose.

Duncelor: “Pretty gross, Gilgamesh.”

Gornok: “Anyway, one question: What was the fucking point of creating Enkidu? So that he’d die and send Gilgamesh out of the city, in grief and mourning, out into the wilderness (non-city, non-farm areas), doing god-knows-what for god-knows-how-long? I don’t get it…I’ve heard a few say it was because Gilgamesh didn’t have a brother, and that was why he was such a oppressive bastard to his people…which I guess works: he just became a bastard to foreigners.”

Duncelor: “That, my friend, is called a pre-text.”

Gornok: “I’m not going on in this manner—the Flood stuff is coming up—and it’s really rather dull. Compared to the earlier tablets, and religious rationalization for the Deluge, going on and on about what leads up to it.”

Duncelor: “The Deluge bit is in the 11th tablet. The name of the dude in that who Gilgamesh talks to can easily be replaced in this separate story—which it is, with “Noah,” much later on—it isn’t related to anything in the other tablets aside from the name, but it deserves an entire entry by itself.”

Gornok: “The 12th tablet is intriguing—it’s “Gilgamesh, and Enkidu in the nether world.” The Babylonian version…”

Duncelor: “Yeh?”

Gornok: “It’s initially pretty repetitive and meaningless, mentioning neither of them until…”

114-122. “At that time, there was a single tree, a single halub tree, a single tree (?), growing on the bank of the pure Euphrates, being watered by the Euphrates. The force of the south wind uprooted it and stripped its branches, and the Euphrates picked it up and carried it away. I, a woman, respectful of An’s words, was walking along; I, a woman, respectful of Enlil’s words, was walking along, and took the tree and brought it into Unug, into Inana’s luxuriant garden.”

Gornok: “Reminds me of that Leonard Cohen song, one line being: “Take the only tree that’s left and stuff it up the hole…in your culture.” From The Future.”

Duncelor: “Yes, well. Was she going to make a whole forest (through magical god-cloning or mass-grafting?), or maybe a garden out of it?”

Gornok: “Let’s find out!”

123-135. “The woman planted the tree with her feet, but not with her hands. Inana watered it using her feet but not her hands. She said: “When will this be a luxuriant chair on which I can take a seat?” She said: “When will this be a luxuriant bed on which I can lie down?” Five years, 10 years had gone by, the tree had grown massive; its bark, however, did not split. At its roots, a snake immune to incantations made itself a nest. In its branches, the Anzud bird settled its young. In its trunk, the phantom maid built herself a dwelling, the maid who laughs with a joyful heart. But {holy Inana} {(1 ms. has instead:) I, holy Inana,} cried!” In the matter which his sister had told him about, her brother, the warrior Gilgamesh stood by her.

Duncelor: “Yeah…not really.”

Gornok: “—a luxuriant bed and a luxuriant chair for her fat ass. A worthy, noble goal, to be sure…”

Duncelor: “Aside from that, something intriguing—“In its branches, the Anzud bird settled its young. In its trunk, the phantom maid built herself a dwelling, the maid who laughs with a joyful heart.” This prodded my curiosity for some reason, so I checked into it: it goes back to Lilith (as Kisikil-lilla-ke to the Sumerians) once more, from the prologue of the Sumerian Epic of Gilgamesh:

a dragon had built its nest at the foot of the tree
the Zu-bird was raising its young in the crown,
and the demon Lilith had built her house in the middle.
[…]
Then the Zu-bird flew into the mountains with its young,
while Lilith, petrified with fear, tore down her house and fled into the wilderness

Gornok: “‘Anzud bird’—and…the ‘Zu-bird…’—too coincidental. First: snake in the roots, next: a dragon at the foot of the tree. (Again, this little bit relates—clearly!—to the Garden of Eden tale of Genesis—the Tree of Knowledge, the snake, et cetera. It seems that Lilith might have been “merged” with this serpent at the root, while she was originally in the middle, over time for some reason.) Also:

a serpent who could not be charmed made its nest in the roots of the tree,
The Anzu bird set his young in the branches of the tree,
And the dark maid Lilith built her home in the trunk.

Gornok: “Above (in the Babylonian version) it’s “phantom maid” described as Lilith—who is now a “dark maid Lilith.” (Dark because she’s away from civilization? Dark because she was dark-skinned?) Fascinating…”

Duncelor: “Neat.”

Gornok: “Now this Lilith (a) was known as a demon, (b) was despised for apparently hurting male children (non-sanctioned castrations? kidnappings? babies thrown into fires?), (c) was identified as Adam’s first wife in Genesis (she buggered off for one of two reasons: 1. she considered Adam inferior (as a male?—or just in general?); or 2. she didn’t want to “do it” missionary style anymore—there’s little agreement and even less evidence as to which was true, but number one sounds far more plausible; she may have been smarter than him, for example), and finally (d) has been linked to being the original source we have for Lucipher (Satan), “the devil.” (Above, getting mixed up with the serpent at the foot of that tree.)

Duncelor: “Here’s the rub: If Sumer was matriarchy-disguised-as-patriarchy (or simply a feminine-oriented society in which men were installed to rule on behalf of females, for female deities, and for female interests), then this Gilgamesh story may be one of the few unaltered, untampered-with, non-re-written documents relating to this time.”

Gornok: “Hmmm…when Christianity took over, its busy priests re-wrote countless documents for their own purposes—which Nord gets into, in depth, in the next part using the Flood for an example—and the tablets for the Gilgamesh story weren’t discovered until the 1800s…”

Duncelor: “If these goddesses were actually corrupt female shadow rulers who were later deified and worshipped, then wouldn’t this Lilith figure be “good” and not “evil,” as they portrayed her? Or was she a piece of shit, too, just in a different way?”

Gornok: “I’m not sure…”

Duncelor: “I mean, if she was feared and hated for “hurting male children”—as a demon for crissakes—and Astarte and Ishtar-Inanna-et-cetera were worshipped as fucking goddesses for doing exactly the same thing, only moreso and worse, mutilating young boys as offerings to her-them…then what the hell?”

Gornok: “Who’s the real villain here? The goddess or the demon?”

Astarte Sirens

Duncelor: “A fair question indeed.”

Gornok: “If the Church started out as a “patriarchal civil rights movement” way before Rome weakened, growing more and more decadent (way before it adopted Christianity to replace the old pagan Roman Religion), to stop, for one thing, the horrors of the goddess-worshippers (pressing one male deity, bringing back Father Sky, “God”—monotheism—and denying the existence of any other deities) and its increasingly oppressive anti-male/pro-female atmosphere, then it too eventually became feminized and thus began serving female interests once more (without the Shamhat factor—female sexuality was strictly clamped down upon during the “patriarchal” era—so the ‘Glory of God’ became enough to rip off and enslave other peoples, along with Crusaders and such carrying cross-shaped swords).”

Duncelor: “Dude, you’re tripping.”

Gornok: “If Christianity became a (though lesser, more subtle) matriarchy-disguised-as-patriarchy, like Judaism is still (as with Catholicism: Mother Mary being worshippped far more than Jesus—causing yet another counter-movement, via Martin Luther, the Reformation, and Protestantism), then whoever wrote the King James Version of the Bible (or older still?) must have left out the Lilith bit…and if so, why?”

Duncelor: “Hmmm.”

Gornok: “Basically, we have three possibilities—-(1) Lilith was a cruel, nasty cunt (an “actual” demon); (2) Lilith was not too bad at all (called a demon by the “real” demons—the rulers of the day; the goddesses); (3) Lilith could have been either but, as a “wronged woman”—as we saw with Ishtar, showing all the divine maturity of a four-year-old when she couldn’t get what she wanted—Lilith did something that got her ass banished…and in a rage did who-knows-what.”

Duncelor: “Or, (4)… she was mentally deranged…a crazy dragon lady, a loopy “witch”—and she definitely was part of the original “witch” stuff, but there’s no evidence she was nuts.”

Gornok: “I guess anything’s possible.”

Duncelor: “Didn’t Nord suspect she represents a tribe as well?”

Gornok: “Dunno. Probably. Well, it’s possible.”

Duncelor: “Okay, I know most feminists don’t latch onto her because she was a “good woman”—feminists don’t even acknowledge women like Peace Pilgrim or Mother Teresa, truly good people, because they were poor and lived their lives devoted to higher causes—not just buying shoes and eating chocolate and extracting from their surroundings everything they desire, “stuffing it up the holes in their cultures.” No, they were devoted to helping others, promoting peace, and not seeking riches and hurting men.”

Gornok: “Word. They use anything to further their agenda, doesn’t matter if it’s true or not…”

Duncelor: “Yeah. Most cling to Lilith because she apparently told the “horribly oppressive patriarch Adam” to get bent. And she apparently tortured and murdered a lot of male children—also a bonus and valued job skills for feminists. They admire her the same way they admire Valerie Solanas—because they’re spoiled, bitter, and-or fucking insane, or just had one or two negative experiences with men, easily swallow dogma, so they wish misery for all men…also because they’re infantile, petty and vindictive.”

Gornok: “Well, we can get into a feminist rant in some other article, bro.”

Duncelor: “Fine.”

136-150. He {strapped} {(1 ms. has instead:) ……} his …… belt of 50 minas weight to his waist — 50 minas were to him as 30 shekels. He took his bronze axe used for expeditions, which weighs seven talents and seven minas, in his hand. He killed the snake immune to incantations living at its roots. The Anzud bird living in its branches took up its young and went into the mountains. The phantom maid living in its trunk left (?) her dwelling and sought refuge in the wilderness.

Gornok: “Well, I see that Lilith (“the phantom maid”) left her dwelling and sought refuge “in the wilderness.” What the hell? “Maid” means not married—and she’s living in a tree! What goddess would live in a tree?”

Duncelor: “What feminist would? How belittling…no jewels, no servants, no wealth, no lazy life of luxury, and no power, no influence, no protection of slave she-males.”

Gornok: “Indeed.”

Duncelor: “Here, in this massively pre-Christian story, she doesn’t seem too bad at all—down to earth, literally, and maybe even spiritual; certainly “natural.” Sounds okay, actually…so I don’t know what to think…”

Gornok: “I sense there’s more to it and that I’ve possibly misjudged Lilith (as have feminists). In this Epic, she’s no part of civilization (as if a female hermit in the wilderness, where she inevitably takes off to later, after Gilgamesh destroys her home). She is mentioned in the Dead Sea scrolls, though these were written later on, after she became a legend, and an increasingly more negative one (later still mentioned in an exorcism hymn).”

Duncelor: “Where else is she mentioned?”

Gornok: “In another text later, as “The Seductress.” Doesn’t fit her previous character, but anyway—“Her house sinks down to death, And her course leads to the shades. All who go to her cannot return And find again the paths of life.” [Proverbs 2:18-19.]

Duncelor: “Occasionally there are some good, wise sayings in Proverbs, but shit, that makes little sense; it describes her house, dwelling, sinking to death (doesn’t say it’s due to Gilgamesh or whoever—why?—because Gilgie was completely removed when they adapted the older tales into new, Christian ones, as the original document for the Old Testament, just as the Semitic Akkadians did with the Gilgamesh Epic, when they conquered Sumer, establishing the pre-Babylonian Akkadian Empire), and her course—her path—leads to the shades, the “wilderness.”

Gornok: “Well, I can see why Nord got hung up on this—since he wrote this right before leaving for the coast and the wild in 2007.”

Duncelor: “Yeah, but it picks my ass too. All who go to her cannot return And find again the paths of life. Which means what? Leaving city-life is non-life, essentially…the Bible was written by farmers, city-slickers—of course she’d be depicted (and-or misconstrued) as “dark,” negative, savage, or even evil.”

Gornok: “Dunno, dude.”

Duncelor: “Was she a Wild Woman? (Is there such a thing?) A natural seductress? Green Woman? Seems she cared little for cities and riches (or shopping—which is why I cannot fathom why feminists latched onto her as an icon so enthusiastically). Maybe she was a scapegoat…”

Gornok: “Could be. Doesn’t matter. Let’s wrap this shit up, eh?”

Duncelor: “Let’s…”

As for the tree, he uprooted it and stripped its branches, and the sons of his city, who went with him, cut up its branches and {bundled them} {(1 ms. has instead:) piled them up}. He gave it to his sister holy Inana for her chair. He gave it to her for her bed.

(“Holy”) Inanna is now called Gilgamesh’s sister, for whom he has cut down the trees. Oh, but he gets something out of it:

As for himself, from its roots, he manufactured his ball (?) and, from its branches, he manufactured his mallet (?).

Gornok: “Sports, gentlemen; perhaps the first sport men played—a treat for being good boys. Like dogs who used to chase prey, these one-time hunters now chase balls…”

Duncelor: “You sound so cynical…”

151-165. He played with the ball (?) in the broad square, never wanting to stop playing it, and he praised himself in the broad square, never wanting to stop praising himself. {(mss. from Urim add:) The young men of his city were playing with the ball (?).} For (?) him who made the team of the widows’ children ……, they lamented: “O my neck! O my hips!” For those that had a mother, the mother brought bread for her son; for those that had a sister, the sister poured water for her brother. As the evening came, he marked the spot where the ball (?) had been placed, and he picked up his ball (?) from in front of him and took it home. But early in the morning as he …… the place marked, the widows’ accusation and the young girls’ complaint caused his ball (?) and his mallet (?) to fall down to the bottom of the nether world. {(1 ms. adds:) He could not reach them by …….} He tried with his hand but could not {reach} {(1 ms. has instead:) touch} them, tried with his foot but could not {reach} {(1 ms. has instead:) touch} them.

Duncelor: “Does this dude seem like a boy who never grew up?”

Gornok: “He does…”

Duncelor: “They got to like it too much; and the women grew annoyed (probably because the game was getting more attention than they were—just like today), so “suddenly” the balls and mallets (symbolic of lost masculinity—penises and testes or what?) went ‘into a nether world.'”

Gornok: “Don’t read too much into all that, man.”

Duncelor: “If you ever thought Gilgamesh was a momma’s boy pansy before, check this out:

166-175. At the gate of Ganzer, in front of the nether world, he sat down. Gilgamesh wept, crying bitterly: “O my ball (?)! O my mallet (?)! O my ball (?), I am still not satiated with its charms, the game with it has not yet palled for me! If only my ball (?) waited still in the carpenter’s house for me! I would treat the carpenter’s wife like my own mother — if only it waited still there for me! I would treat the carpenter’s child like my little sister — if only it waited still there for me! {My ball (?) has fallen down to the nether world — who will retrieve it for me?} {(1 ms. has instead:) Who will retrieve my ball (?) from the nether world?} {My mallet (?) has fallen down to Ganzer — who will retrieve it for me?} {(1 ms. has instead:) Who will retrieve my mallet (?) from Ganzer?}”

Gornok: “Wow…a grown man…”

Duncelor: “Nope! Royal family…none of them were grown-ups.”

Gornok: “But wait—slave-boy to the rescue!”

176-183. His servant Enkidu {answered} {(1 ms. has instead:) said to} {him} {(1 ms. has instead:) Gilgamesh }: “My king, you weep; why does your heart worry? Today I shall retrieve your ball (?) from the nether world, I shall retrieve your mallet (?) from Ganzer.” Gilgamesh answered Enkidu: ” {If today} {(1 ms. has instead:) If} you are going to go down to the nether world, let me advise you! My instructions should be followed. Let me talk to you! {Pay attention to my words} {(1 ms. has instead:) My words should be followed}!”

Duncelor: “Another adventure! Ugh…”

Gornok: “Dammit, I’m getting tired of this shit.”

Duncelor: “Almost done…”

Gornok: “Better be…”

184-198. “You should not put on your clean garments: they would recognise immediately that you are alien. You should not anoint yourself with fine oil from a bowl: they would surround you at {its} {(1 ms. has instead:) your} scent. You should not hurl throw-sticks in the nether world: those struck down by the throw-sticks would surround you. You should not not hold a cornel-wood stick in your hand: the spirits would feel insulted by you. You should not put sandals on your feet. You should not shout in the nether world. You should not kiss your beloved wife. You should not hit your wife even if you are annoyed with her. You should not kiss your beloved child. You should not hit your son even if you are annoyed with him. The outcry aroused would detain you in the nether world.”

Duncelor: “Yes, wait until after you find his stick and balls, then you can beat your family—what a loser…”

Gornok: “Alien means a “human” in the wilderness; here’s how backwards we’ve become. Enkidu was alien in civilization, now he’s alien in another environment; 20 thousand generations later, we are all born aliens in the phony world we’ve made.”

Duncelor: “Yeah, yeah.”

199-204. “She who lies there, she who lies there, Ninazu’s mother who lies there — her pure shoulders are not covered with a garment, and no linen is spread over her pure breast. She has fingers like a pickaxe, she plucks her hair out like leeks.”

Gornok: “I guess we discovered who took their sports crap away from them—some nasty wench, it seems.”

205-220. Enkidu, however, did not heed not his master’s words. He put on his clean garments and they recognised that he was alien. He anointed himself with fine oil from a bowl and they surrounded him at its scent. He hurled throw-sticks in the nether world and those struck down by the throw-sticks surrounded him. He held a cornel-wood stick in his hand and the spirits felt insulted by him. He put sandals on his feet. He caused irritation in the nether world. He kissed his beloved wife and hit his wife when he was annoyed with her. He kissed his beloved child and hit his son when he was annoyed with him. He aroused an outcry and was detained in the nether world.

Duncelor: “Real swift, Endiku. I guess that “enlightenment” he allegedly got from Shamhat must have worn off…?”

Gornok: “One can infer…”

221-229. The warrior Gilgamesh, son of Ninsumun, directed his steps on his own to E-kur, the temple of Enlil. He cried before Enlil: “Father Enlil, my ball (?) fell down into the nether world, my mallet (?) fell down into Ganzer. Enkidu went down to retrieve them but the nether world has seized him. Namtar did not seize him, the Asag did not seize him; but the nether world has seized him. The udug demon of Nergal, who spares nobody, did not seize him, but the nether world has seized him. He did not fall in battle on the field of manhood, but the nether world has seized him.” Father Enlil did not stand by him in the matter, so he went to Eridug.

Duncelor: “Why the fuck didn’t he make another ball and mallet? Oh right—no trees left. Plus, it seems the women had dibs on the lumber; the “king” got the leftovers.”

Gornok: “I think this all means that ‘sports’ was banned by women…until the ruling order figured out what to do with it.”

Duncelor: “Anyway, I think Father Enlil told him to get lost, no doubt seeing him as pathetic as I do.”

Gornok: “So Gilgamesh goes crawling to Eridug and boo-hoos the same story to Enki…”

230-237. In Eridug he directed his steps on his own to the temple of Enki. He cried before Enki: “Father Enki, my ball (?) fell down into the nether world, my mallet (?) fell down into Ganzer. Enkidu went down to retrieve them but the nether world has seized him. Namtar did not seize him, the Asag did not seize him; but the nether world has seized him. The udug demon of Nergal, who spares nobody, did not seize him, but the nether world has seized him. He did not fall in battle on the field of manhood, but the nether world has seized him.” Father Enki stood by him in this matter.

Duncelor: “Enki’s going to get it done:

238-242. He said to the young warrior Utu, the son born by Ningal: “Open a hole in the nether world immediately, and then bring up his servant from the nether world!” He opened a hole in the nether world and brought up his servant with his breeze (?) from the nether world.

243-253. They hugged and kissed. They wearied each other with questions: “Did you see the order of the nether world? — If only you would tell me, my friend, if only you would tell me!” “If I tell you the order of the nether world, sit down and weep! I shall sit down and weep! ……, which your heart rejoiced to touch, is ……, worms infest it like an old garment (?); like …… of (?) a crevice, it is full of dust.” “Alas!” he said and sat down in the dust.

254-267. “Did you see him who had one son?” “I saw him.” “How does he fare?” “He weeps bitterly at the wooden peg which was driven into his wall.” “Did you see him who had two sons?” “I saw him.” “How does he fare?” “He sits on a couple of bricks, eating bread.” “Did you see him who had three sons?” “I saw him.” “How does he fare?” “He drinks water from a saddle waterskin.” “Did you see him who had four sons?” “I saw him.” “How does he fare?” “His heart rejoices like a man who has four asses to yoke.” “Did you see him who had five sons?” “I saw him.” “How does he fare?” “Like a good scribe he is indefatigable, he enters the palace easily.” “Did you see him who had six sons?” “I saw him.” “How does he fare?” “He is a cheerful as a ploughman.” “Did you see him who had seven sons?” “I saw him.” “How does he fare?” “As a companion of the gods, he sits on a throne and listens to judgments.”

Gornok: “Endiku spilling it about the netherworld (whatever that was). It goes on and on and on…”

268-285. “Did you see the palace eunuch?” “I saw him.” “How does he fare?” “Like a useless alala stick he is propped in a corner.” “Did you see the woman who never gave birth?” “I saw her.” “How does she fare?” “Like a …… pot, she is thrown away violently, she gives no man joy.” “Did you see the young man who never undressed his wife?” “I saw him.” “How does he fare?” “You finish a rope, and he weeps over the rope.” “Did you see the young woman who never undressed her husband?” “I saw her.” “How does she fare?” “You finish a reed mat, and she weeps over the reed mat.” “Did you see him who had no heir?” “I saw him.” “How does he fare?” “Like him who …… bricks (?), he eats bread.” “……?” “I saw him.” “How does he fare?”
7 lines fragmentary or missing

Duncelor: “Did you see the palace eunuch?”

Gornok: “Made that way due to the fertility cults—from Ishtar = Inanna = Astarte. The goddess Ashtoreth (plural: Ashtoroth) is mentioned often in the Bible, and according to Hebrew scholars is a deliberate conflation of the Greek name (Astarte); the Hebrew word, “boshet”—“shame” or “abomination”—clearly described the utter contempt for her cult. And I can’t say I blame them. Atargatis, another fertility goddess, eventually became synonymous with Ishtar and also demanded sacrifice and offerings.”

Lilith

Duncelor: “Yeah, well…”

Gornok: “Did this go away? Of course not—men (especially Jews) are still circumcised (for “health reasons?”—exactly the same argument could be made for slicing off the clitoral hood of female genitalia, which accounts for a fraction of all human circumcisions today), which is the residual religious ritual stemming from those goddess-worshiping times. Even through the Middle Ages, boys were castrated by the Church—why? The Catholic boys’ choir—castriati was a twisted variation of the goddess tradition in which boys with the best “high” voices were castrated (before puberty) to preserve those voices for the rest of their lives.”

Duncelor: “Hmmm.”

Gornok: “It remained important to religions and such in the Persian empire and Ottoman empire (as well as in China, for different reasons—no sexual desire). Although the physical act went “out of style” in Europe, castration stuck around in the form of emasculation. And through war, young men continued to sacrifice their very lives for women.”

Duncelor: “You done? Let’s get on with this…”

Gornok: “The main point is that a culture which exalts one group of people and holds another one as nothing but “fit for slaughter,” creates a “sacrificial lamb” consciousness in that oppressed group. They don’t, like slaves, have much of a will of their own if they’ve been raised from birth to believe they’re utter and absolute shit and the only purpose they serve is to be fed, sacrificed, to the Mother Goddess, whoever that may be at the time. Obviously, the rulers of the aristocracy committing these horrendous acts are going to make it sound as though these victims want to be sacrificed, that they are willing participants. Just the the Aztecs and Mayans did…”

Aztec Sacrifice

1-10. They returned to Unug, they returned to their city. He entered outfitted with tools and armaments, with an axe and a spear, and deposited them in his palace happily. Looking at the statue, the young men and women of Unug and the old men (?) and women of Kulaba rejoiced. As Utu came forth from his bedchamber, Gilgameš (?) raised his head and told them (?): “My father and my mother, drink clean water!” Midday had hardly passed when they touched the statue’s (?) crown.

11-16. Gilgameš threw himself down at the place of mourning, he threw himself down for nine days at the place of mourning. The young men and women of Unug and the old men (?) and women of Kulaba wept. As soon as he had said that, he repulsed the citizen of Ĝirsu. “My father and my mother, drink clean water!”

17. Warrior Gilgamesh, son of Ninsumun, sweet is your praise!

Duncelor: “Praise again.”

Gornok: “Aye, that’s what keeps us saps in our “lot in life”—sweet praise, just like mommy used to make…”

Show »

Mommy

Duncelor: “You dissing my mom?”

Gornok: “Yes.”

Duncelor: “Okay then.”

Gornok: “So that’s it.”

Duncelor: “Ugh, finally. We’re done with this.”

Gornok: “Free at last.”

Duncelor: “Later.”

Gornok: “Have a good one.”

[Edit: 23/02/2014. This series desperately needed re-writing. I tried reading it recently, but I could not get through it. I have no idea what frame of mind I was in while writing it, but I must have been very pissed off. Since then I have forgotten about it. Now, it’s embarrassing how immature and sarcastic (and not funny) it is. I’ve been meaning to re-write it for months now, so, here we go, with Duncelor and Gornok building on what I originally wrote.

A few notes before that, though…

The Epic of Gilgamesh serves as the oldest story in human history. According to the Sumerian King List, whose kings all lived absurdly long lives (which continued the Bible, for similar reasons—kings were “godlike” and so lived longer than mere humans, although they probably lived only a few years longer due to easy, plush lives and having the best of everything, of course), Gilgamesh was “the fifth king of Uruk (Early Dynastic II, first dynasty of Uruk), the son of Lugalbanda, ruling circa 2650 BC.” That’s about 5 thousand years ago.

And: “Legend has it that his mother was Ninsun, a goddess.” (In Babylonian: Ninsumun.) As for the Sumerian King List itself: “The surviving clay tablet was dated by the scribe who wrote it in the reign of King Utukhegal of Erech (Uruk), which places it around 2125 B.C.”

Another point: “Although the oral tale of Gilgamesh could have been attributed to various rulers over millennia, the story we know is probably attached to a real king. The “… Sumerian king list established a Gilgamesh as fifth in line of the First Dynasty of kingship of Uruk following the great flood recorded in the epic, placing him approximately in the latter half of the third millennium. He was supposed to have reigned a hundred and twenty-six years. He was known as the builder of the wall of Uruk, and his mother was said to be the goddess Ninsun, wife of a god named Lugalbanda, who however was not his father. His real father was, according to the king list, a high priest of Kullab, a district of Uruk, from whom he derived his mortality.”(Mason, 99)]

City

Duncelor: “So, I guess we gotta talk about this shit…”

Gornok: “Well, we don’t have to.”

Duncelor: “Yeah. I understand Nord’s idea behind this, but I hope you’re not going to screw this up…”

Gornok: “What?”

Duncelor: “Well, I liked the original.”

Gornok: “Well, I didn’t—the research was adequate, though. But his comments ruined it.”

Duncelor: “I disagree.”

Gornok: “Well, be that as it may—and if you think I’m going to turn it into a circus, think again.”

Duncelor: “Alright, alright. We’ll sort it out. So who was Gilgamesh?”

Gornok: “According to Sumerian King List, Gilgamesh “…whose father was a nomad.” Which—the myth-king or real-king? Unable to find out…”

Gilgamesh

Duncelor: “That him?”

Gornok: “Yeah. So, his mother was a goddess and father (maybe) a nomad. I suspect the farming goddess-worshippers made a habit of conquering peoples and taking their “chiefs” in the city to deify them (“make godlike”—which is what Gilgamesh does to Endiku, who prevents another from going through the same thing later), which really means make civilized, woman-like, as we’ll see.”

Duncelor: “I dunno, man…”

Gornok: “Anyway, the Epic of Gilgamesh cannot be viewed as pure (perhaps distorted, of course) myth because modern science has found the ruins of the ancient city of Uruk, in Iraq, and has found many things which can be found in the Epic of Gilgamesh. I didn’t need evidence of this—I know very well that every myth is based upon actual events, in one context or another, shit that happened and became whim to legends of later generations.”

Duncelor: “Well, no shit. It’s always based on something. The trouble is on what?”

Gornok: “The real trouble is sifting through bullshit and propaganda (and these myths are just stuffed with crap, because these were the first examples of State-Employed Propaganda) and religious stuff and locating the truth.”

Duncelor: “Of course. One might argue that the religion itself was the real propaganda. Anyway…again, who is Gilgamesh?”

Gornok: “According to Donald A. Mackenzie, in ‘Myths of Babylonia and Assyria,'”

In the Gilgamesh epic we appear to have a form of the patriarch legend–the story of the “culture hero” and teacher who discovered the path which led to the land of ancestral spirits. The heroic Patriarch in Egypt was Apuatu, “the opener of the ways”, the earliest form of Osiris; in India he was Yama, the first man, “who searched and found out the path for many”.

Duncelor: “I don’t understand the term, ‘patriarch.'”

Gornok: “That’s a common term for this matriarchy-disguised-as-patriarchy stuff. The strings from the puppet-ruler Gilgamesh leads to female hands. The “wisdom” of these ancient figures is relative to how best they ruled, served their rulers, and served civilization in general.”

Duncelor: “Well, I’ve read the Epic, and indeed the women in his life had a certain level of control over him. But who was pulling the strings of these women?”

Gornok: “Well, we’ll be getting into that kinda stuff later. Also, says Mackenzie,”

As in the Nile Valley, however, it is impossible to trace in Mesopotamia the initiatory stages of prehistoric culture based on the agricultural mode of life. What is generally called the “Dawn of History” is really the beginning of a later age of progress; it is necessary to account for the degree of civilization attained at the earliest period of which we have knowledge by postulating a remoter age of culture of much longer duration than that which separates the “Dawn” from the age in which we now live. Although Sumerian (early Babylonian) civilization presents distinctively local features which justify the application of the term “indigenous” in the broad sense, it is found, like that of Egypt, to be possessed of certain elements which suggest exceedingly remote influences and connections at present obscure.

Duncelor: “Why go on providing a bunch of data here to demonstrate how Sumer was indeed the prototype (especially for Egypt as well as Eastern ones) for civilizations? Yes, culture spread along trade routes—and empires, nations to come—but it’s not necessary (it’s so bloody obvious) and not the purpose of this work.”

Gornok: “Well, folks are finding sites like Gobekli Tepe and figuring out that in fact religion came first, then farming.”

Duncelor: “Really?”

Gornok: “Sure. Watch a documentary on it. Hunter-gatherers around the Black Sea area, current day Ukraine, Greece, Armenia, and Turkey—and Kurdistan, all in Asia minor—began coming to specific areas, likely directed there by the growing priesthood (or priestesshood), and building stone complexes for the purpose of astronomy. Well, astrology.”

Duncelor: “Why? And did they live in these stone complexes?”

Gornok: “Well, no. It was a religious place—like sacred caves ten thousand years earlier: they were used for teaching boys the ways of the hunter; it was about initiation.”

Duncelor: “So, these stone religious places were the female half of the religions to come?”

Gornok: “Right. Hunters prayed before the hunt, and had some parties around the fire and the feast. Men painted in caves, like I already said. The stone ritual sites, like Stonehenge, were the origins of the ruling order. They gained control over the people by understanding the stars, by tracking comets, eclipses, and ‘predicting’ shit in order to obtain a superior status in society. These early priests/priestesses were the proto-oligarchs who set up the kingdoms later—and figureheads like Gilgamesh.”

Duncelor: “Well, okay. If you take what the hunters were doing, what the gatherers were doing—at the same time when hunters were painting in those initiation caves, the gatherers were beginning their stone-carving cults around fertility, and so on—and blend it all together, you have the first established religions, as in Sumeria.”

Gornok: “Affirmative. I think that Nordicvs wanted to show Gilgamesh as the phony ‘god-king’ that he was, and to demonstrate that these old gods and goddesses were based on actual living people. But perhaps he got too emotionally involved in this process…”

Duncelor: “Anyway, let’s get the hell on with this—more about Gilgamesh’s sterling character later…”

Gornok: “Okay. For a map of ancient Mesopotamia, check here.”

Duncelor: “Ancient Mesopotamia is where it all started, for real, in the Fertile Crescent, between the two great rivers flowing through the current-day Middle-East (the Tigris and Euphrates), and this region is known of course as the “Cradle of Civilization.” Semi-nomadic peoples began to settle in this region and farm…eventually creating settlements, villages, then towns, then cities…here is where humans “became” domesticated. The first cities.”

Cradle Map

Gornok: “This is a few thousand years after places like Gobekli Tepe established the religion.”

Duncelor: “Right.”

For the ancient Mesopotamians, their cities were the centers of life. When they looked back to the beginning of time, they did not see a Garden of Eden, but rather an ancient site called Eridu, which they believed was the first city ever to be created. Ancient Mesopotamia is where the world’s first cities appeared around 4000 – 3500 BC.

Gornok: “Interesting how 6 thousand years ago, disconnected from Nature altogether, they view a pure wilderness as a “garden”—the Garden of Eden. What is a garden but a human-controlled area of nature? At any rate, this “Eden” was in the Middle-East area, or near it—no one knows for certain (it was probably stripped until only desert remained, which is what a few millennia of logging and mining will do).”

Duncelor: “Yeah. Well, the definition of an English garden is the eradication of all indigenous plant life and replacing it all with only the ones you want. Obviously, they got this from Rome.”

Gornok: “And they got it from Greece, and they got it from Egypt and Babylon—”

Duncelor: “Who got it from Sumeria. Okay, got it….”

No one knows for sure why urbanization began in Mesopotamia. The development of cities could have occurred due to environmental conditions. Lack of rainfall might have been the inspiration for people to organize themselves in a common effort to build canals for the irrigation of farmland. Another reason may have been the need for protection on the open plain, which could have led people to gather together to create walled enclaves. Whatever the reasons, this was the first time in history that humankind channeled its energies towards addressing the needs of a community as a whole.

Gornok: “That’s an interpretation—the usual homocentric and civiliocentric ones we’re all so used to; what is a fact is that this was the first time that populations grew so massive that class structures, slavery, and religions were formed and employed to control and organize it all to provide wealth for the few from the labour of the many.”

Duncelor: “Well, okay. I’ll give you that. It was not ‘environmental conditions’—it was the centralization of society to serve the ruling elites, who ran society through temple life. In other words, religion.”

Gornok: “9000 BC was roughly the ‘…Beginning cultivation of wild wheat and barley and domestication of dogs and sheep; inaugurating of change from food gathering to food producing culture – Karim Shahir in Zagros foothills.'”

Duncelor: “Humans were domesticated at least 11 thousand years ago (not 8 thousand as Nord had thought), else they could not domesticate dogs and sheep. By 7000 BC, at ‘Jarmo, oldest known permanent settlement: crude mud houses, wheat grown from seed, herds of goats, sheep, and pigs.'”

Gornok: “So, by the time Gobekli Tepe and other sites were laying the groundwork for the early religion, and no doubt engaged in animal and probably human sacrifice, the hunter-gatherers were already subdued and being turned into slaves for the ruling order.”

Duncelor: “Seems so. By 6000 BC, there was a migration of northern farmers, which settled the region “from Babylon to Persian Gulf.” And “Hassuna culture introduces irrigation, fine pottery, permanent dwellings; dominates culture for 1000 years.” Trade developed along routes from the Persian Gulf to the Mediterranean.”

Pre-Sumerians.

Gornok: “By 5000 BC: ‘Ubaidians develop first divisions of labor, mud brick villages, first religious shrines. Small temple at Eridu – earliest example of an offering table and niche for cult object.'”

Duncelor: “Cult objects. Yeah.”

Gornok: “Religion was employed to control the masses long before organized slavery (the “division of labor”) began, and we’ve seen it done throughout history. People hardly feel like slaves when they’re pleasing the “goddess,” or doing “a god’s work” or “God’s work,” or doing it for “King and Country,” or for “Liberty and Freedom”—or for “Democracy.””

Duncelor: “I suppose.”

Gornok: “In the Bible, over and over, we read the stories of this area from the context of the farmer: the nomads were greatly feared and hated (“barbarians”) because they wouldn’t (a) settle down and get with the civilized program, (b) they objected to having their lands raped and plundered when times were tough for the farmers (or they simply ran out of trees), which (c) led to invasions of settled areas, or else (d) the nomads simply invaded to plunder for its own sake. Around 4000 BC, ‘Semitic nomads from Syria and Arabian peninsula invade southern Mesopotamia, intermingle with Ubaidian population.” One of the earliest examples of either (b)-(c) or (d), and we’ll never know which because civilization (the conquerors) wrote the history, not the nomads (the conquered). Also around this time the “Temple at Tepe Gawra is built – setting style for later examples.'”

Duncelor: “Okay, okay. Let’s just get on with these damned Sumerians.”

Sumerians.

Sumeria

Gornok: “By 3500 BC, the Sumerians were settling on the banks of Euphrates river; one of the first “ziggurat” temples (referred to as a prototype of later ones, all of which were “pyramid-like”—some of the first pyramids, perfected later by the Egyptians of course) was built: the Temple at Eridu, showing that religion was deeply established by this time. As for Eridu, the “ancient” city, according to the Sumerians, the temples were the heart of the cities; from the Sumerian King List…”

“When kingship from heaven was lowered,
the kingship was in Eridu.”

Duncelor: “Okay, so I guess ‘from heaven’ means in actuality: ‘from the gods.'”

Gornok: “Yes. And the gods were the original ruling elite. People who became deified, or, ‘made into gods.'”

Duncelor: “Well, that’s debatable, but let’s see more about these ziggurat temples…”

Ziggurat Temple

In Mesopotamia, each town and city was believed to be protected by its own, unique deity or god. The temple, as the center of worship, was also the center of every city.

Gornok: “As with the Bible (many “people” being actual tribes in reality—the name of the tribe or clan, or city or place, became misconstrued as one person over the ages), I think each Sumerian city ruler became deified (made godlike); I’ll get into an example of this later. More about Sumerian religion and its temples…”

Around the year 2000 B.C., temple towers began to be built to link heaven and earth. The towers, called ziggurats, were very large, pyramid-shaped structures on top of which the temple was built. The ziggurats were built of mud bricks with 3 to 7 terraced levels.

The Mesopotamians believed that these pyramid temples connected heaven and earth. In fact, the ziggurat at Babylon was known as Etemenankia or “House of the Platform between Heaven & Earth”. The ziggurats were often decorated with pillars and other ornamentation.
At first, religious events were held at the temple. Later, as a priesthood developed, the temple became the center of both religion and learning for the entire community.

Duncelor: “And their gods and goddesses?”

Gornok: “Well…”

The people of Mesopotamia had very many gods, called dingir in Sumerian. Their gods and goddesses looked and acted just like people. They had feasts, marriages, children, and wars. They could be jealous, angry, joyful, or kind. The gods and goddesses had supernatural powers.

Gornok: “That’s because they were actual people, probably the original founder of that city; “god” or “goddess” were almost titles—like “mayor” or perhaps “governor” is today.”

Duncelor: “Hmmm.”

Every single city had its own patron god or goddess who owned everything and everyone in the city. Everyone was expected to sing hymns, say prayers, make sacrifices and bring offerings to the local temple (ziggurat) for the gods. The people trusted the priests and the priestesses in the temples to tell them what the gods or goddesses wanted, and they dutifully carried out their wishes. They believed that the gods could be annoyed at what you did and punish you, or they could be pleased and reward you. This made the leaders in the temples almost as powerful as the kings.

Gornok: “See how the people were suckered? Shit, ‘Bring me piles of gold and the God Mukalalofuckaluck will be pleased!'”

Duncelor: “Yeah, I dunno…”

In Mesopotamia the people looked to religion to answer their questions about life and death, good and evil, and the forces of nature. The dingir followed themes, or divine laws, that governed the universe. The Sumerians believed in divine order, that is, everything that occurs is preplanned by the gods.

There were four all-powerful gods that created and controlled the universe. An [also Anu] was the god of heaven, Enlil was the air-god, Enki was the water-god, and Ninhursag was the mother earth-goddess. Each of these gods created lesser gods who were also important in Mesopotamia. Utu, the sun-god, lit the world with rays shooting from his shoulders. He moved across the sky in a chariot. Nanna was the moon-god who used a boat to travel by night.

Gornok: “Anu is predominantly a “god” of Uruk (“Erech” in the Bible, and as I already mentioned: “Iraq” today), which is where the Anu cult was strongest—the goddess Inanna (also Ishtar, and several others) was apprently his “consort.” Both of these we see in a bit, are prominent figures in the Epic of Gilgamesh.”

Duncelor: “Anyway, religion gives me the creeps, so let’s continue…”

Gornok: “Around 3000 BC, “Democratic assemblies give way to kingships, evolve into hereditary monarchies.” Religion helped this happen—no other person (as it remained true through the Middle Ages) was as close to “god” or “goddess” as the king or queen of a city or city-state, or, later, kingdom, empire. I have great doubts there was any “democratic assemblies” and there was no “giving way” either. It was set up and it happened gradually, implemented incrementally, by the ruling order.”

Duncelor: “Yeah, well, we’re so hung up on this word, “evolution,” that we think everything happens that way.”

Gornok: “We can scarcely conceive anymore of something happening by design.”

Duncelor: “Which, I suspect, was also designed.”

Gornok: “Perhaps. By 2800 BC, “Introduction of pictographs to keep administrative records.” Why some people think back on the beginnings of written language as some haughty conspiracy to “better mankind” is beyond me—it was a more efficient way of keeping tabs on what the rulers were sucking out of the people.”

Duncelor: “Same for math.”

Gornok: “Right. That came into existence at the same time as currency. From about 2800 BC to 2300 BC: ‘3-D statues, e.g. Warka head. White Temple – ziggurat traditional design. Temple at Tell Uqair – mosaic decorations; Cuneiform land sales, formal contracts. Eridu and Kish – simple palaces. ‘Standard of Ur’ – war-peace plaque, religious statues, gold and silver artifacts buried in tombs of Ur. Sumerians of Abu Salabikh – first poetry.'”

Cuneiform

Duncelor: “And the leading Sumerian city in this period was Kish. ”

Gornok: “2750 BC: ‘Gilgamesh, hero of Sumerian legends, reigns as king of Erech.'”

Duncelor: “Okey-dokey. We’ve arrived at the point of all this…”

The Epic of Gilgamesh

Gornok: “Sources can be found here and here and here and here, and Wikisource has the same shit. Also, here is a good paraphrasing job on all 11 tablets. Yes, there were 12 altogether, but scholars do not often count the 12th, because it is clearly an “add-on” story about Enkidu in, and helping Gilgamesh by going into, the “netherworld”—hell?”

Duncelor: “I don’t know. Let’s continue…”

Gornok: “It was written on clay tablets in cuniform (meaning “wedge-shaped”), which is likely the oldest written language; pictographic. ‘The Sumerian script was adapted for the writing of the Akkadian, Elamite, Hittite (and Luwian), Hurrian (and Urartian) languages, and it inspired the Old Persian and Ugaritic national alphabets.'”

Duncelor: “Well, I have my doubts about the ‘oldest written language.’ It’s (a) the oldest known, sure, but it’s (b) only that which has survived. There may have been older languages written down, except that in non-desert regions, things written on paper, or wood, would break down and return to the soil in no time.”

Gornok: “True. To sum it up: “The “standard” Akkadian version of the Epic of Gilgamesh was written on twelve clay tablets by Sin-liqe-unninni. It is about the adventures of the historical King of Uruk (somewhere between 2750 and 2500 BCE).” “BCE” of course means “before current era” and is used scientifically to eliminate the Christocentric “before Christ”—BC.”

Duncelor: “But we’re still going to use BC, hey?”

Gornok: “Yeah. I don’t care. Also of note…”

Originally, Gilgamesh was a Sumerian hero-king. But the kingdom of Sumer was eventually conquered by Akkadians, and became an Akkadian kingdom. Yet, the story of Gilgamesh continued to be told, now in the Akkadian language.

“In the transmission of some of the Gilgamesh stories . . . not only is there a change of language from Sumerian to Akkadian . . . but there is also a marked alteration of emphasis and detail. . . . But most of the apparently `new’ themes in the developed Epic of Gilgamesh look just like the old–like traditional, oral themes of myth or folktale that have just been shifted from one literary formulation into another. All in all . . . it seems likely that there was a broadly based popular tradition of myths, from which the literate and poetical versions we know derived their persistent strength and their capacity for apparently spontaneous variation. (Kirk, 87)”

Duncelor: “Are we going to add bits of the Babylonian for perspective, here and there?”

Gornok: “Sure. The original wasn’t in immaculate shape, of course. Anyway, it was translated by Maureen Gallery Kovacs. ‘Electronic Edition by Wolf Carnahan, 1998.’ A final note before we start—these texts were evidently scanned and put into text files for computer use, and that’s why there are many dumbass errors (“1″ replacing “I,” “0” confused for “O,” even “r” instead of “t”), so Nordicvs cleaned it up as best he could, but he wants to add that there may remain some he’s missed.”

Duncelor: “Roger that.”

Tablet I

He who has seen everything, I will make known (?) to the lands.
I will teach (?) about him who experienced all things,
… alike,
Anu granted him the totality of knowledge of all.
He saw the Secret, discovered the Hidden,
he brought information of (the time) before the Flood.

Gornok: “Nordicvs gets into the Flood in the third part of this.”

Duncelor: “Okay, well. He didn’t comment much on the beginning, but there is much to discuss—at least much of interest.”

Gornok: “Indeed. First, who is ‘Anu?'”

In Sumerian mythology, Anu (also An; from Sumerian *An = sky, heaven) was a sky-god, the god of heaven, lord of constellations, king of gods, spirits and demons, and dwelt in the highest heavenly regions. It was believed that he had the power to judge those who had committed crimes, and that he had created the stars as soldiers to destroy the wicked. His attribute was the royal tiara. His attendant and minister of state was the god Ilabrat.

He was one of the oldest gods in the Sumerian pantheon and part of a triad including Enlil (god of the air) and Enki (god of water). He was called Anu by the later Akkadians in Babylonian culture. By virtue of being the first figure in a triad consisting of Anu, Enlil, and Enki (also known as Ea), Anu came to be regarded as the father and at first, king of the gods. Anu is so prominently associated with the E-anna temple in the city of Uruk (biblical Erech) in southern Babylonia that there are good reasons for believing this place to be the original seat of the Anu cult. If this is correct, then the goddess Inanna (or Ishtar) of Uruk may at one time have been his consort.

Duncelor: “Enki has been identified with Lucifer—the Morning Star—but he is a deity of earth and water. “En” = God, “ki” = earth. “Ea” = water. So, “lil” must = “air.” And “An” = sky, heaven.”

Gornok: “But Ishtar is far older than these ‘newer’ gods; this very old goddess has had different names, but it’s the same deity.”

Duncelor: “Eanna = Inanna. It’s almost as if “ea” was added to “anu” to create “Eanna.” Hey?”

Gornok: “I dunno. But—”

He went on a distant journey, pushing himself to exhaustion,
but then was brought to peace.
He carved on a stone stela all of his toils,
and built the wall of Uruk-Haven,
the wall of the sacred Eanna [Inanna] Temple, the holy sanctuary.

Gornok: “—Inanna of course was the first, original “Holy Virgin,” so the Sumerians called her. She is ‘the first known divinity associated with the planet Venus. This Sumerian goddess became identified with the Semitic goddesses Ishtar and later Astarte, Egyptian Isis, Greek Aphrodite, Etruscan Turan and the Roman Venus.'”

Astarte

Duncelor: “I see a crescent on her head.”

Gornok: “You do.”

Duncelor: “Is that the same symbol that keeps popping up over and over throughout the Old World?”

Gornok: “One and the same. Shit, all the symbols of Sumeria were reused over and over by every empire, right up to present day. Take a look at everyone’s flags!”

Duncelor: “Hmmm. Goddess of sex, fertility, and war, eh?”

Gornok: “And of whores. She’s the postergirl for temple prostitutes. That’s how they brought in the men…”

Duncelor: “What?!”

Gornok: “Later….She was literally “sky lady,” and she represents the first known major shift from the old “Sky Father” to “Sky Mother,” as it were (before this religious/sedentary existence, there was clear distinction between “Mother Earth” and “Father Sky”). It isn’t known how many young boys—their sexual organs—were sacrificed for her, but it was a lot, twice a year.”

Duncelor: “Why?!”

Gornok: “Eanna, Inanna, Ishtar, Isis, Astarte, Attart or Athtar, Ashtart, Ashtoret, Aphrodite or Artemis, Juno or Diana or Venus, same shit, and so on. The same goddess, all based on the older one, back when there was only one. Her symbols were the lion, the horse, the sphinx, the dove, and a star within a circle indicating the planet Venus. This is where the Pagan-based holiday of Easter comes from. The spring, or vernal equinox, ritual was about priests, or priestesses, impregnating young virgin women on an alter, and then taking the three-month male babies from the previous year’s Sun service—Sunday service, Sun-day—and sacrifice them on the alter to Ishtar. Then they’d take the eggs of Ishtar, apparently, and dip them in blood. They did other stuff, too. But here is where Easter comes from. East-star, Ish-tar…Astarte…”

Duncelor: “Weird. Back to Inanna…‘It sounds very close to “Nanna,” the name of the Sumerian moon god, which indicates that the two deities may at one time have been one, or they may have a common origin.'”

Gornok: “Ummm….”

Duncelor: “Sounds like “Nanny,” too, doesn’t it?”

Gornok: “Indeed, and I doubt it’s an accident: the word “nanny” comes from the Greek “nanna,” meaning “aunt,” and can be seen in Russian (“nyánya”—“nursemaid”), Welsh (“nain,” meaning “grandmother”), et cetera.”

Duncelor: “At any rate, Inanna was the “goddess of sex, fertility, and WAR.”

Gornok: “Right, showing that mater-ialism has always been the primary force behind war. So, moving on.”

Duncelor: “Back to the tale…”

Look at its wall which gleams like copper (?),
inspect its inner wall, the likes of which no one can equal!
Take hold of the threshold stone–it dates from ancient times!
Go close to the Eanna Temple, the residence of Ishtar,
such as no later king or man ever equaled!
Go up on the wall of Uruk and walk around,
examine its foundation, inspect its brickwork thoroughly.
Is not (even the core of) the brick structure made of kiln-fired brick,
and did not the Seven Sages themselves lay out its plans?

Duncelor: “Seven Sages?”

Gornok: “Okay, here…”

The Apkallu (Akkadian) or Abgal, (Sumerian) are seven Sumerian sages, demigods who are said to have been created by the god Enki (Akkadian: Ea) to establish culture and give civilization to mankind. They served as priests of Enki and as advisors or sages to the earliest “kings” or rulers of Sumer before the flood. They are credited with giving mankind the Me (moral code), the crafts, and the arts. They were seen as fish-like men who emerged from the sweet water Abzu. They are commonly represented as having the lower torso of a fish, or dressed as a fish.

According to the myth, human beings were initially unaware of the benefits of culture and civilization. The god Enki sent from Dilmun, amphibious half-fish, half-human creatures, who emerged from the oceans to live with the early human beings and teach them the arts and other aspects of civilization such as writing, law, temple and city building and agriculture. These creatures are known as the Apkallu. The Apkallu remained with human beings after teaching them the ways of civilization, and served as advisors to the kings.

Duncelor: “I see.”

Gornok: “Strange how both spellings are included on the same line: ‘close to the Eanna Temple, the residence of Ishtar.'”

Duncelor: “Yeah, I dunno. Seems like an older version of the Ishtar deity. Anyway, “Sage” of course today means a “wise person.” Its origin comes from Middle English, which is from the Latin “sapidus”—“wise, tasteful”—and is directly connected to “sapient”—“having or showing great wisdom or sound judgment.” Which means that “great wisdom” was deemed in those who supported and thought up shit for civilization. Which also means that “homo sapiens” is directly linked to humans being civilized (and their knowledge—or “wisdom”—of civilized existence) and as such cannot be attached to humanity before the “Dawn of Civilization.” As seen above was only 11 thousand years ago.”

Gornok: “If that’s true, I think that “homo sapiens” is meaningless as a species designation—for one thing, “pans” is a more apt term rather than “homo,” and modern humans might be better put thusly: “Pans domesticus.” Or even “Pans civilis,” with “civilis” being Latin for ‘citizen.’ So, ‘civilized’ literally means ‘a citizen. Basically, calling yourself ‘civilized’ means that you’re showing pride in the fact that you have been dominated and now serve the State: the religious-social construct controlled by the ruling class. In effect, you’re proud of your slavery by calling yourself ‘civilized.'”

Duncelor: “Hmm. Why is it meaningless as a species designation?”

Gornok: “Native and Aboriginal peoples do not fall under “sapient” by its very definition, even though they have the same intelligence—yet greater capacity for intelligence and adaptability—as citizens of ‘civilized’ societies. Knowing how to survive in natural areas is not “wise” by definition. And we already know how despised nomads were—and still are.”

Duncelor: “Fucked up definitions…”

One league city, one league palm gardens, one league lowlands, the open area(?) of the Ishtar Temple,
three leagues and the open area(?) of Uruk it (the wall) encloses.
Find the copper tablet box,
open the … of its lock of bronze,
undo the fastening of its secret opening.
Take and read out from the lapis lazuli tablet
how Gilgamesh went through every hardship.

Gornok: “I find it difficult to imagine a spoiled, feminized man-boy like Gilgamesh (perfumed and clothed in the finest dresses, bejeweled, with personal servants) ever experienced “hardship,” but, then again, the rich usually do have differing definitions for things than the poor do, so…this was likely to help the (truly oppressed) droolingly ignorant masses of the day better relate to Gilgamesh-as-Hero.”

Supreme over other kings, lordly in appearance,
he is the hero, born of Uruk, the goring wild bull.
He walks out in front, the leader,
and walks at the rear, trusted by his companions.
Mighty net, protector of his people,
raging flood-wave who destroys even walls of stone!
Offspring of Lugalbanda, Gilgamesh is strong to perfection,
son of the august cow, Rimat-Ninsun;… Gilgamesh is awesome to perfection.
It was he who opened the mountain passes,
who dug wells on the flank of the mountain.
It was he who crossed the ocean, the vast seas, to the rising sun,
who explored the world regions, seeking life.
It was he who reached by his own sheer strength Utanapishtim, the Faraway,
who restored the sanctuaries (or: cities) that the Flood had destroyed!
… for teeming mankind.
Who can compare with him in kingliness?
Who can say like Gilgamesh: “I am King!”?
Whose name, from the day of his birth, was called “Gilgamesh”?
Two-thirds of him is god, one-third of him is human.
The Great Goddess [Aruru] designed(?) the model for his body,
she prepared his form …
… beautiful, handsomest of men,
… perfect

Gornok: “Yah yah—he was the best thing since sliced bread, or so they keep on and on claiming. Got it. It just means he did exactly as he was told. “Perfect” as in “perfectly obedient,” as pussy-whipped she-male slaves serving only female interests always are.”

Duncelor: “Okay, whatever. I’m more interested in “The Great Goddess [Aruru] designed(?) the model for his body, she prepared his form.” What the hell?”

Gornok: “Okay…”

In Sumerian mythology, Ninhursag or Ninkharsag was a mother goddess of the mountains, and one of the seven great deities of Sumer. She is principally a fertility goddess. Temple hymn sources identify her as the ‘true and great lady of heaven’ (possibly in relation to her standing on the mountain) and kings of Sumer were ‘nourished by Ninhursag’s milk’. Her hair is sometimes depicted in an omega shape, and she at times wears a horned head-dress and tiered skirt, often with bow cases at her shoulders, and not infrequently carries a mace or baton surmounted by an omega motif or a derivation, sometimes accompanied by a lion cub on a leash. She is the tutelary deity to several Sumerian leaders.

Nin-hursag means “lady of the sacred mountain” (from Sumerian NIN “lady” and ḪAR.SAG “sacred mountain, foothill”, possibly a reference to the site of her temple, the E-Kur (House of mountain deeps) at Eridu. She had many names including Ninmah (“Great Queen”); Nintu (“Lady of Birth”); Mamma or Mami (mother); Aruru, Belet-Ili (lady of the gods, Akkadian).

According to legend her name was changed from Ninmah to Ninhursag by her son Ninurta in order to commemorate his creation of the mountains. As Ninmenna, according to a Babylonian investiture ritual, she placed the golden crown on the king in the Eanna temple.

Some of the names above were once associated with independent goddesses (such as Ninmah and Ninmenna), who later became identified and merged with Ninhursag, and myths exist in which the name Ninhursag is not mentioned.

As the wife and consort of Enki she was also referred to as Damgulanna or Damkina (faithful wife). She had many epithets including shassuru or ‘womb goddess’, tabsut ili ‘midwife of the gods’, ‘mother of all children’ and ‘mother of the gods’. In this role she is identified with Ki in the Enuma Elish. She had shrines in both Eridu and Kish.

Duncelor: “Right. She is a diluted—a compromised—form of the earlier “Goddess” back before the Deluge, of 5600 BC, back when she was the only god or goddess worshipped.”

Gornok: “Yes. Magna, Magma, Mamma (where the word “mammal” comes from), Mammy, Mami, or, in Latin, Mater. They all mean “mother” and are all connected to this earlier deity. And it isn’t a true mountain, I think, from which she ruled—”

Duncelor: “It was from a pyramid…like these…”

Ziggurat Temple

Gornok: “Right. Maybe, back 12 thousand years ago, they did their rituals and sacrifices on actual mountains, but as the religion developed over the next thousand years, or so, they switched to making these Ishtar Temples.”

Duncelor: “Why?”

Gornok: “If you want to build up a population of slaves to serve you, you need food to feed them—agriculture. You cannot do this in the mountains. So, instead of bringing the people to your religious control shit, you bring the religious control shit to the fertile rivers—”

Duncelor: “Where there were no mountains.”

Gornok: “And here you now have the added bonus of baffling them all with bullshit—your construction projects, for which you now have a large labour force, and your vulgar display of wealth and power, your (secret) knowledge applied, and your order.”

Duncelor: “Got it. Okay, well, let’s go back to the beginning…”

He who has seen everything, I will make known (?) to the lands.
I will teach (?) about him who experienced all things,
… alike,
Anu granted him the totality of knowledge of all.
He saw the Secret, discovered the Hidden,
he brought information of (the time) before the Flood.

Gornok: “So, what this means is the old priesthood/priestesshood, which ruled through the goddess figurehead, the old cult, revealed through the kingship what was known before the Flood. That’s the occult—the astrological stuff, the geometrical stuff, and the psychological stuff that was used to control people through the religion.”

Duncelor: “Okay. Let’s move on.”

He walks around in the enclosure of Uruk,
Like a wild bull he makes himself mighty, head raised (over others).
There is no rival who can raise his weapon against him.
His fellows stand (at the alert), attentive to his (orders ?),
and the men of Uruk become anxious in …
Gilgamesh does not leave a son to his father,
day and night he arrogantly(?) …

Gornok: “We know he was a tyrant, but that is interesting—“Gilgamesh does not leave a son to his father,” and the rest is missing after “day and night he arrogantly…” Does not leave a son to his father…this must be a reference to the slavery that went on in the fields and-or the sacrifices (maybe not, because the tablet mentions “girl to her mother” later on, and females were not sacrificed—they were used, though, by the old State). What seems clear is that families were being ripped apart for some reason…”

[The following lines are interpreted as rhetorical, perhaps spoken by the oppressed citizens of Uruk.]

Is Gilgamesh the shepherd of Uruk-Haven,
is he the shepherd. …
bold, eminent, knowing, and wise!
Gilgamesh does not leave a girl to her mother(?)
The daughter of the warrior, the bride of the young man,
the gods kept hearing their complaints, so
the gods of the heavens implored the Lord of Uruk [Anu]

“You have indeed brought into being a mighty wild bull, head raised!
“There is no rival who can raise a weapon against him.
“His fellows stand (at the alert), attentive to his (orders !),
“Gilgamesh does not leave a son to his father,
“day and night he arrogantly …
“Is he the shepherd of Uruk-Haven,
“is he their shepherd…
“bold, eminent, knowing, and wise,
“Gilgamesh does not leave a girl to her mother(?)!”

Duncelor: “I think this has to do with slavery—taking the young kids to work in the fields, et cetera.”

Gornok: “Of course it does! Is he the shepherd of Uruk-Haven, is he their shepherd. A shepherd is a master of a flock of domesticated animals—-Middle English sheepherde, from Old English sceaphyrde, from sceap sheep + hierde herdsman; akin to Old English heord herd—-the bad shepherd is the one who kills the sheep in front of the other sheep, causing terror and panic. The good shepherd is the one who deceives them all and takes the sheep away from the others, out of sight, and kills them gently, humanely.”

Duncelor: “So, old Gilgamesh was a bad shepherd. Right.”

Gornok: “At this point it’s obvious that (a) Gilgamesh has an army or guard (“warrior” is clearly mentioned—the defenders of the rulers’ wealth) that scares the shit of the populace, who (b) dare not rise up against him, because in spite of how “perfect” he is, well, (c) he’s a real fucker. The gods are listening to the people complain about Gilgamesh…which might mean that there were revolts and such and this is how it was weaved into the story.”

Duncelor: “And so you’re saying that the “gods” were the shadow rulers, the puller of the strings of Gilgamesh, and due to the convenant (that came about after the Deluge) they could not usurp him, so they found another way…?”

Gornok: “It’s quite likely.”

The daughter of the warrior, the bride of the young man,
Anu listened to their complaints,
and (the gods) called out to Aruru:
“it was you, Aruru, who created mankind(?),

Duncelor: “Maybe this means a lot of young men were being wasted in war (“daughter of the warrior” was complaining—the dead no not complain), as well as the oppression—we knew that he ‘oppressed his people harshly.’

Gornok: “Again: Aruru, as Ninhursag (“lady of the mountain”—“sacred mountain”—also known as Damkina, Damgulnana and Uriash), “usually appears as the mother of Enlil (Lord air = North wind), Ninlil (Lady air = South wind), Nanna (= Moon) and Utu (= Sun). They were all children of Ki and An (Hence they were called Anunaki).” Also, Ki = Earth, and An = Sky, or heavens. Ninhursag as Aruru’s “temple, the E’Saggila (From Sumerian E = House, SAG = Sacred, Ila (Akkadian) = Goddess), was located on the Khur (Sacred mound) of Eridu, although she also had a temple at Kish.”

now create a zikru to it/him.
Let him be equal to his (Gilgamesh’s) stormy heart,
let them be a match for each other so that Uruk may find peace!”
When Aruru heard this she created within herself the zikru of Anu.
Aruru washed her hands, she pinched off some clay, and threw it into the wilderness.
In the wildness(?) she created valiant Enkidu,

Enkidu

Gornok: “This “zikru” is seen as separate from “mankind”—lending support to the notion that “mankind” was not only “the entire male gender” but also civilized men. Because who does she create to “counter” the tyranny of Gilgamesh?”

Duncelor: “The simple reality of the necessity of both mother and father being so important to both its creation and development after birth is still astonishingly absent in modern consciousness as well—ask anyone: “Do women create life?” and the automatic response will be the erroneous “Yes.” Not to mention the dominant view that kids don’t need fathers. It’s amazingly foolish—and feminized. We’ve come full circle, back to goddess worship, via feminism; and WOMAN has become religion once more, now that Christianity and friends are on their death beds.”

Gornok: “It’s set up that way—it’s been set up to return to this—very, very little in history happens by accident. If it’s about politics or sociality, you can bet it’s been arranged, planned, and will be institutionalized.”

Duncelor: “Anyway, what does she ‘create’ to “counter” the tyranny of Gilgamesh? The Wild Man—apparently—Enkidu, who was…”

born of Silence, endowed with strength by Ninurta.
His whole body was shaggy with hair,
he had a full head of hair like a woman,
his locks billowed in profusion like Ashnan.
He knew neither people nor settled living,
but wore a garment like Sumukan.”
He ate grasses with the gazelles,
and jostled at the watering hole with the animals;
as with animals, his thirst was slaked with (mere) water.

Gornok: “Born of “Silence”—didn’t speak the language, or didn’t speak any language? Who is Ninurta? It was the Sumerian and Akkadian god of Nippur, ‘identified with Ningirsu with whom he may always have been identical. In older transcriptions the name is rendered Ninib and in older commentary he is sometimes seen as a solar deity. In Nippur, Ninurta was worshipped as part of a triad of deities including his father Enlil and his mother Ninlil.'”

Duncelor: “He also “often appears holding a bow and arrow and a mace named Sharur to which he speaks when attacking the monster Imdugud, and which answers back. Sometimes he stands on a composite creature with a lion’s body or a scorpion’s tail in pursuit of Imdugued, who was a winged lion with feet and tail of a bird as well. In one story Ninurta battles such a monster called Imdugud (Akkadian Anzu).” Anzu comes up again later on.”

Gornok: “Enkidu was truly wild, drinking “only” water—instead of flavoured crap (and alcohol?), I expect. At any rate, he was not nice and sweet-smelling, or clean-cut and groomed. And he lived with the animals. He was masculine.”

Duncelor: “A Native, Aboriginal, natural man? Hmmm. Could be. What else? Let’s see…”

A notorious trapper came face-to-face with him opposite the watering hole.
A first, a second, and a third day
he came face-to-face with him opposite the watering hole.
On seeing him the trapper’s face went stark with fear,
and he (Enkidu?) and his animals drew back home.
He was rigid with fear; though stock-still
his heart pounded and his face drained of color.
He was miserable to the core,
and his face looked like one who had made a long journey.
The trapper addressed his father saying:

“Father, a certain fellow has come from the mountains.
He is the mightiest in the land,
his strength is as mighty as the meteorite(?) of Anu!
He continually goes over the mountains,
he continually jostles at the watering place with the animals,
he continually plants his feet opposite the watering place.
I was afraid, so I did not go up to him.
He filled in the pits that I had dug,
wrenched out my traps that I had spread,
released from my grasp the wild animals.
He does not let me make my rounds in the wilderness!”

Gornok: “First, there is no mention (yet) of Enkidu being a hunter—a meat-eater. It’s interesting—the Sumerian conceptualiztion of “wild man,” since he seemed to be a vegetarian (above: “He ate grasses with the gazelles”). It’s been suggested that vegetarianism came about during these mother-earth/goddess-worshipping farm folk’s society (you can even see bits of this in the Old Testament of the Bible—“God” himself being vegetarian for a time, wanting offerings of plants and not wanting his followers to eat meat, hinting at the strong farming element; hunting—largely a nomadic way of life, following herds, which was never portrayed back then as positive in any respect—versus gathering).”

Duncelor: “Are you sure it was eating meat, and not the sacrifice of animals?”

Gornok: “That was the counter-religion coming into focus, for the Hebrews. Okay, well, Chapter One of Leviticus is about ‘Animals without blemish are sacrificed as an atonement for sins—Burnt offerings are a sweet savor unto the Lord.’ Chapter Two of Leviticus is about ‘How offerings of flour with oil and incense are made.’ Chapter Three of Leviticus is about ‘Peace offerings are made with animals without blemish, whose blood is sprinkled on the altar—Israel is forbidden to eat fat or blood.'”

Duncelor: “There it is. Jesus, you gotta wonder how fucked up things were to force these early monotheists to make all these rules…”

Gornok: “Oh fuck yeah. Chapter Four of Leviticus: ‘Sinners are forgiven through sin offerings of animals without blemish—Priests thereby make an atonement for the sins of the people.’ And Chapter Five: ‘The people are to confess and make amends for their sins—Forgiveness comes through a trespass offering—Priests thereby make an atonement for sin.’ And Chapter Six: ‘The people must first make restitution for sin, then offer a trespass offering, and thereby gain forgiveness through atonement made by the priests.’ And, finally, Chapter Seven of Leviticus is about ‘Laws governing various sacrifices are listed—The children of Israel are forbidden to eat fat or blood—They worship by sacrifice—Through sacrifice they gain forgiveness, make vows, consecrate their property, render thanks, and are reconciled to God.'”

Duncelor: “Amazing. Damn, this all seems as deeply engrained in that society as much as people watching TV today. I mean, it was something that no one really thought twice about. It was all normal…”

Gornok: “Indeed. Okay, back to the Epic. Second, the creation of Enkidu amounted to fuckall, really; it was supposed to help the people, who were burdened under the oppressive Gilgamesh, but it never did, it seemed—without being too much of a “spoiler” (unless it was—oversimplified—to give Gilgamesh a distraction from being such a tyrant, or a ‘brother,’ some male bonding deal since he was quite effeminate as an appointed mayor), we’ll get back to it and we’ll see…”

Duncelor: “This is nothing new. Rulers are always yanking people’s chains, telling us that it’s for our own good. ‘Oh, it’s for the people.’ It never is. And every generation falls for this bullshit—”

Gornok: “Sometimes more than once in a single generation.”

Duncelor: “Yep. For sure. So, the people went on doing what they were supposed to do, when this Gilgamesh crap was all said and done. The only thing that changed was that this incident—and the enslavement of Enkidu—got Gilgamesh out of the house, so to speak.”

Gornok: “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Duncelor: “In a way, the people did experience relief, because this shit got Gilgamesh out of Uruk, on his missions, distracted by what happened with Enkidu—”

Gornok: “Okay. Yes, that’s true—but I meant in terms of ‘civil rights,’ nothing changed for the people. “The Gods” simply got the tyrant out of the city for long periods of time, and there is no text describing what happens to the folks in his absence.”

Duncelor: “So, Enkidu is busting up the trapper’s traps, protecting his environment (and animals therein); hence, he was “the first environmental activist,” or Green man.”

Gornok: “Hhmmm…he seems much more a Green Man archetype than a Wild Man archetype, precisely because of this lack of hunting mentioned, but he might be both.”

The trapper’s father spoke to him saying:
“My son, there lives in Uruk a certain Gilgamesh.
There is no one stronger than he,
he is as strong as the meteorite(?) of Anu.
Go, set off to Uruk,
tell Gilgamesh of this Man of Might.
He will give you the harlot Shamhat, take her with you.
The woman will overcome the fellow (?) as if she were strong.
When the animals are drinking at the watering place
have her take off her robe and expose her sex.
When he sees her he will draw near to her,
and his animals, who grew up in his wilderness, will be alien to him.”

He heeded his father’s advice.
The trapper went off to Uruk,
he made the journey, stood inside of Uruk,
and declared to … Gilgamesh:
“There is a certain fellow who has come from the mountains–
he is the mightiest in the land,
his strength is as mighty as the meteorite(?) of Anu!
He continually goes over the mountains,
he continually jostles at the watering place with the animals,
he continually plants his feet opposite the watering place.
I was afraid, so I did not go up to him.
He filled in the pits that I had dug,
wrenched out my traps that I had spread,
released from my grasp the wild animals.
He does not let me make my rounds in the wilderness!”
Gilgamesh said to the trapper:
“Go, trapper, bring the harlot, Shamhat, with you.
When the animals are drinking at the watering place
have her take off her robe and expose her sex.
When he sees her he will draw near to her,
and his animals, who grew up in his wilderness, will be alien to him.”

Gornok: “Meteorite of Anu, huh? I wonder if something crashed in this region long before this story was written, giving “Anu” divinity? I have a vague theory that ancient interest in astrology—and astronomy, as in the Maya, Aztek, et cetera, even Druids—started because nasty crap kept falling out of the sky. The Gulf of Mexico is reportedly caused by a massive meteor crashing and creating a huge crater which created this gulf (which is often theorized as being the one which helped the dinosaurs into extinction—helped because they were beginning to drop off from diseases as the continents came together, introducing new species—and diseases—to other species). Dunno, maybe we’ll look into another time. Anyway…”

Duncelor: “Whatever happened, this is where this “reptilian” stuff ultimately comes from. Someone, along the von Daniken lines, pardon the pun, figured that this is “evidence” of aliens landing and doing whatever.”

Gornok: “Yeah. Well, it’s barely circumstantial evidence, and there isn’t much of it. Bottom line is that shit falls from the sky all the time, and when the religious leaders know and understand these things, they can predict the next occurrence. This gets them more status and control. So, anyway, let’s stick to what’s relevant.”

Duncelor: “The obviousness of the cult of female sexuality, here with Shamhat the Seductress, makes me think of current times—and looking at various tribes today whose womenfolk do not clothe their upper torsos, making the female breast no more appealing than a foot or hand. This is another argument in favor of female-worship (not merely goddess worship) developing if only in part to clothing.”

Shamhat

Gornok: “Hmmm.”

Duncelor: “Think about it. Boys in tribes, such as in the Amazon, were nursed by their moms’ breasts and then, as they grew, continued to see these breasts (and other females’ breasts), and it wasn’t a big deal at all. Compare that to civilized boys—after they’re weened, they never see another breast until they’re “of age.” And tits are a big deal. They’re objectified and worshipped today—there is no visual difference between male and female nipples, for example, and yet one is legally allowed to be displayed and the other (women’s) is not allowed (to continue the cult?—I think so; it serves no other purpose to keep them hidden; a prize).”

Gornok: “Well, it’s a sexual thing. The titty cult? Well, if so this would give the females in any society an incredible advantage, especially when the men are thought of as no better than apes. Or dogs. Whatever—animals. Beasts of burden. Just being near a woman, for a man growing up with this degree of systematic shame, well, fuck, he’s gonna feel part divine by just being near such a perfect being…”

Duncelor: “Hitler always said, you get the women first, and the men will follow.”

Gornok: “Hitler? What about the Catholic Church? Or the Roman Empire?”

Duncelor: “Yes, yes. It’s nothing new—it goes way back, even before the Sumerians…”

Gornok: “Point is: it’s roots lay in this system, in this region, the exact how and where and when do not matter so much in the great scheme of things.”

Duncelor: “Well, if this story is based—not written, mind you, but originates from—around 6 or 7 or 8 thousand BC, then this system of assimilating the men of hunter-gatherers societies, and obviously enslaving the women and children as well (this is what all empires did) was around for one hell of a long time. Tits became a big deal, for sure. They certainly were back in Sumer, else why would Enkidu be so bloody dumbstuck after seeing Shamhat’s pair? Check it out…”

The trapper went, bringing the harlot, Shamhat, with him.
They set off on the journey, making direct way.
On the third day they arrived at the appointed place,
and the trapper and the harlot sat down at their posts(?).
A first day and a second they sat opposite the watering hole.
The animals arrived and drank at the watering hole,
the wild beasts arrived and slaked their thirst with water.
Then he, Enkidu, offspring of the mountains,
who eats grasses with the gazelles,
came to drink at the watering hole with the animals,
with the wild beasts he slaked his thirst with water.
Then Shamhat saw him–a primitive,
a savage fellow from the depths of the wilderness!
“That is he, Shamhat! Release your clenched arms,
expose your sex so he can take in your voluptuousness.

Gornok: “There we go: “Release your clenched arms”—not thighs, meaning that the breasts were more feminine symbols than was the vagina—“expose your sex”—gender, via the breasts—‘so he can take in your voluptuousness.'”

Shamhat Corruption Of Enkidu

Duncelor: “Would this work today with a member (a “savage”) of a tribe in, say, the Amazon rainforest, where the men are used to seeing boobs all the time?”

Gornok: “Of course not—hence the distinction due the context from the Sumerian point of view: boobs were feminine icons, idols almost, “voluptuousness.” And they turned men into corruptable dipshits (just like today).”

Duncelor: “Such as…”

Do not be restrained–take his energy!
When he sees you he will draw near to you.
Spread out your robe so he can lie upon you,
and perform for this primitive the task of womankind!
His animals, who grew up in his wilderness, will become alien to him,
and his lust will groan over you.”
Shamhat unclutched her bosom, exposed her sex, and he took in her voluptuousness.
She was not restrained, but took his energy.
She spread out her robe and he lay upon her,
she performed for the primitive the task of womankind.
His lust groaned over her;
for six days and seven nights Enkidu stayed aroused,
and had intercourse with the harlot
until he was sated with her charms.
But when he turned his attention to his animals,
the gazelles saw Enkidu and darted off,
the wild animals distanced themselves from his body.
Enkidu … his utterly depleted(?) body,
his knees that wanted to go off with his animals went rigid;
Enkidu was diminished, his running was not as before.

But then he drew himself up, for his understanding had broadened.
Turning around, he sat down at the harlot’s feet,
gazing into her face, his ears attentive as the harlot spoke.

Gornok: “Fascinating: “take his energy!” Male spirit? Masculinity? Oh, I think so…”

Duncelor: “The whore seduced him, fucked his ass off, and he went stupid and weak, “diminished,” “utterly depleted,” and no longer cared about the animals, who probably took one whiff of him and did not recognize his scent (if this part is anything but symbolic of natives, wild tribes, being seduced by the shiny junk and painted strumpets of the cities—temple prostitutes employed to corrupt men, and prostituion was the “oldest profession,” and so might mean that it had begun in Mesopotamia).”

Gornok: “Yeah.”

Duncelor: “However, his “understanding” had broadened (broad?—heh; yeah, I know…), meaning he was becoming god-like, “wise” in civilized ways.”

Gornok: “Seems so. Next is where she convinces him (it’s all a ploy; a pack of lies to get him to come back to Gilgamesh) he’s becoming divine…”

The harlot said to Enkidu:
“You are beautiful,” Enkidu, you are become like a god.
Why do you gallop around the wilderness with the wild beasts?
Come, let me bring you into Uruk-Haven,
to the Holy Temple, the residence of Anu and Ishtar,
the place of Gilgamesh, who is wise to perfection,
but who struts his power over the people like a wild bull.”
What she kept saying found favor with him.

Duncelor: “And that’s how to become a god—”

Gornok: “—or a mangina, no difference—betray your nature and true way of life—it’s what “humanity” is all about. Anyway, that was it; Enkidu was gone, corrupted, spoiled, pussy-whipped, soon to be civilized…enslaved by Gilgamesh, even though his “purpose”—why he was created, mentioned above—has not been described. It will be now…”

Becoming aware of himself, he sought a friend.
Enkidu spoke to the harlot:
“Come, Shamhat, take me away with you
to the sacred Holy Temple, the residence of Anu and Ishtar,
the place of Gilgamesh, who is wise to perfection,
but who struts his power over the people like a wild bull.
I will challenge him …
Let me shout out in Uruk: I am the mighty one!’
Lead me in and I will change the order of things;
he whose strength is mightiest is the one born in the wilderness!”

Duncelor: “Now we see the design: he was made to overthrow Gilgamesh, to ‘change the order of things.’ It seems more and more that this is the earliest ‘savior’ tale. Messiah…”

Gornok: “Damn. It might be. So, how’d that work out for him? Let’s see…”

[Shamhat to Enkidu:]
“Come, let us go, so he may see your face.
I will lead you to Gilgamesh–I know where he will be.
Look about, Enkidu, inside Uruk-Haven,
where the people show off in skirted finery,
where every day is a day for some festival,
where the lyre(?) and drum play continually,
where harlots stand about prettily,
exuding voluptuousness, full of laughter
and on the couch of night the sheets are spread (!).”
Enkidu, you who do not know, how to live,
I will show you Gilgamesh, a man of extreme feelings (!).
Look at him, gaze at his face–
he is a handsome youth, with freshness(!),
his entire body exudes voluptuousness
He has mightier strength than you,
without sleeping day or night!
Enkidu, it is your wrong thoughts you must change!
It is Gilgamesh whom Shamhat loves,
and Anu, Enlil, and La have enlarged his mind.”
Even before you came from the mountain
Gilgamesh in Uruk had dreams about you.””

Duncelor: “So, off he goes to the city, where people, ‘men’ too, wear dresses (“skirted finery”) like women; there’s music and shiny crap, nice-smelling things, plenty of whores all painted up, “exuding voluptuousness,” and are “full of laughter,” like children.”

Gornok: “He doesn’t know how to live? He was doing just fine until she came along and fucked up his head.”

Duncelor: “Then she’s going on and on about Gilgamesh, who is two-thirds god = two-thirds woman—“handsome,” “fresh,” and his “entire body exudes voluptuousness,” just like the whores. Then she says the gods have enlarged his mind (read: his ego), and since all “wisdom” was related to civilized service, old Gilgamesh was a big old whore indeed. Enkidu must change his ways, she tells him (oh, such a lost sheep was he!), and says she really loves Gilgamesh. Heh. Right. She loves the power Gilgamesh wields; status; it’s a manipulation—“be like him and I’ll love you”—so does she?”

Gornok: “Nope, not at all; she’s scarsely mentioned again. Enkidu, the great fool, ends up a homo-boy-toy for the king until his death.”

Duncelor: “Exactly.”

Gornok: “Next…”

Gilgamesh got up and revealed the dream, saying to his mother:
“Mother, I had a dream last night.
Stars of the sky appeared,
and some kind of meteorite(?) of Anu fell next to me.
I tried to lift it but it was too mighty for me,
I tried to turn it over but I could not budge it.
The Land of Uruk was standing around it,
the whole land had assembled about it,
the populace was thronging around it,
the Men clustered about it,
and kissed its feet as if it were a little baby (!).
I loved it and embraced it as a wife.
I laid it down at your feet,
and you made it compete with me.”

Duncelor: “Again with the meteorite—what the hell? They started admiring it and such—kissed “its” feet….Its feet?”

Gornok: “It is interesting. “It”—not a he or a she. It was an object, not a god, not an alien, not a living thing—”

Duncelor: “Holy hell, Gilgamesh practically slept with it (“loved it and embraced it as a wife”), whatever it was. Did he call it “cupcake” and “sugar plum,” too? I’d really like to find out more about this meteorite thingy.”

Gornok: “Obviously, the question mark beside it means the translators could not understand to what they were referring.”

Duncelor: “Anyway, enter the shadow ruler of Uruk, Rimat-Ninsun…”

The mother of Gilgamesh, the wise, all-knowing, said to her Lord;
Rimat-Ninsun, the wise, all-knowing, said to Gilgamesh:
“As for the stars of the sky that appeared
and the meteorite(?) of Anu which fell next to you,
you tried to lift but it was too mighty for you,
you tried to turn it over but were unable to budge it,
you laid it down at my feet,
and I made it compete with you,
and you loved and embraced it as a wife.”
“There will come to you a mighty man, a comrade who saves his friend–
he is the mightiest in the land, he is strongest,
his strength is mighty as the meteorite(!) of Anu!

Gornok: “Whatever it was, it possessed “strength,” because here Gilgamesh’s (“all-knowing”—godlike?—goddesslike) mommy, Rimat-Ninsun, is comparing Enkidu to it.”

Duncelor: “Weird…”

You loved him and embraced him as a wife;
and it is he who will repeatedly save you.
Your dream is good and propitious!”
A second time Gilgamesh said to his mother: “Mother, I have had another dream:
“At the gate of my marital chamber there lay an axe,
“and people had collected about it.
“The Land of Uruk was standing around it,
“the whole land had assembled about it,
“the populace was thronging around it.
“I laid it down at your feet,
“I loved it and embraced it as a wife,
“and you made it compete with me.”
The mother of Gilgamesh, the wise, all-knowing, said to her son;
Rimat-Ninsun, the wise, all-knowing, said to Gilgamesh:
“”The axe that you saw (is) a man.
“… (that) you love him and embrace as a wife,
“but (that) I have compete with you.”
“” There will come to you a mighty man,
“” a comrade who saves his friend–
“he is the mightiest in the land, he is strongest,
“he is as mighty as the meteorite(!) of Anu!”
Gilgamesh spoke to his mother saying:
“”By the command of Enlil, the Great Counselor, so may it to pass!
“May I have a friend and adviser, a friend and adviser may I have!
“You have interpreted for me the dreams about him!”
After the harlot recounted the dreams of Gilgamesh to Enkidu
the two of them made love.

Gornok: “So, he comes to her with funky dreams and she (Mama Freud) tells him what they mean—and off he goes, like a good boy, to do it. See how (with the meteorite, the “axe”) he brings shit to her, like a little boy who found something in the yard? Or perhaps like an ant returning with goodies for its queen? Either is applicable…”

Duncelor: “‘Loved and embraced like a wife’ must not mean sexually—how can someone screw a meteorite or an “axe?” It must mean extreme adoration, similar to how one worships his wife.”

Gornok: “Well, the axe has always been a symbol for Fasces: ‘a set of rods bound in the form of a bundle which contained an axe. In ancient Rome, the bodyguards of a magistrate carried fasces.’ The Romans apparently used the axe head the most when there was a state of war.”

Duncelor: “Yah, maybe. That might be it—it’s just technology maybe. Why a bundles of sticks? Which is where we get the term, ‘faggot’ from in fact. Fascine, ‘bundle of brushwood used in civil and military engineering.’ It also refers to Death by burning, ‘metonymically referred to by the faggots which fuel the fire.'”

Gornok: “Huh. Well. The idea being about the bundle of sticks in the fasces is that one stick is brittle and weak, yet bundled together, of course, it is nearly unbreakable.”

Tablet II

Duncelor: “And now Enkidu gets screwed (and not by his whore).”

Enkidu sits in front of her.

[The next 30 lines are missing; some of the fragmentary lines from 35 on are restored from parallels in the Old Babylonian.]

“Why …”(?)
His own counsel …
At his instruction …
Who knows his heart…
Shamhat pulled off her clothing,
and clothed him with one piece
while she clothed herself with a second.
She took hold of him as the gods do’
and brought him to the hut of the shepherds.
The shepherds gathered all around about him,
they marveled to themselves:
“How the youth resembles Gilgamesh–
tall in stature, towering up to the battlements over the wall!

Gornok: “So, Enkidu, wearing a dress now, starts taking on the form of the king, the mangina, the civilized ‘man.’ And they’re kissing his ass in the process—which is part of the process, appealing to vanity, corrupting, feeding his ego…”

Surely he was born in the mountains;
his strength is as mighty as the meteorite(!) of Anu!”

Duncelor: “Maybe that means he was large in size, muscular…? I can’t see how else he could be like a ‘meteorite…'”

Gornok: “Hard? Which could mean his muscles. Maybe it’s just that he was big, strong, and muscular.”

They placed food in front of him,
they placed beer in front of him;

Duncelor: “Yeah, about the drinking water only bit above, ‘men’ were considered ‘manly’ when drinking beer as far back as Sumer (and only barbarians drank water). The birth of the alcoholic.”

Enkidu knew nothing about eating bread for food,
and of drinking beer he had not been taught.
The harlot spoke to Enkidu, saying:
“Eat the food, Enkidu, it is the way one lives.
Drink the beer, as is the custom of the land.”

Gornok: “Domestication. That empty feeling inside that Enkidu later finds, well, I’m sure the beer will take good care of that…just like it does today with feminized males who are spiritual dogshit…”the custom of the land”—all Western lands now.”

Duncelor: “Yeah, well, what are ya gonna do? Anyway. Bread is “food.” What Enkidu was eating before wasn’t “food”—not real food (the “way ones lives”), from bread made from grain grown on the slave-farms around Uruk.”

Enkidu ate the food until he was sated,
he drank the beer- seven jugs!– and became expansive and sang with joy!

Gornok: “In other words, he was shit-faced…”

He was elated and his face glowed.
He splashed his shaggy body with water,
and rubbed himself with oil, and turned into a human.

Duncelor: “Here we have it: turned into a human. A female.”

He put on some clothing and became like a warrior(!).
He took up his weapon and chased lions so that the shepherds could eat
He routed the wolves, and chased the lions.
With Enkidu as their guard, the herders could lie down.
A wakeful man, a singular youth, he was twice as tall (?) (as normal men

[The next 33 lines are missing in the Standard Version; lines 57-86 are taken from the
Old Babylonian.]

Duncelor: “The corruption is practically complete—before, he protected the animals and prevented them from being trapped. And now he was helping men kill them, showered with praise and flattery (“he was twice as tall”—yeah, maybe his ego) for being such a good tool.”

Gornok: “He put on some clothing and became like a warrior.”

Duncelor: “The more ‘manly’ dress, I take it. And I also presume that his hunting skills (I simply don’t see this fellow able to survive in the wilderness without meat) were perverted into ‘warrior skills.'”

Then he raised his eyes and saw a man.
He said to the harlot:
“Shamhat, have that man go away!
Why has he come’? I will call out his name!”
The harlot called out to the man
and went over to him and spoke with him.
“Young man, where are you hurrying!
Why this arduous pace!”
The young man spoke, saying to Enkidu:
“They have invited me to a wedding,
as is the custom of the people.
… the selection(!) of brides(!) ..
I have heaped up tasty delights for the wedding on the ceremonial(!) platter.
For the King of Broad-Marted Uruk,
open is the veil(!) of the people for choosing (a girl).
For Gilgamesh, the King of Broad-Marted Uruk,
open is the veil(?) of the people for choosing.
He will have intercourse with the ‘destined wife,’
he first, the husband afterward.
This is ordered by the counsel of Anu,
from the severing of his umbilical cord it has been destined
for him.”
At the young man’s speech his (Enkidu’s) face flushed (with anger).
[Several lines are missing.]

Duncelor: “I guess that’s one of the perks of being a momma’s boy, dress-wearing sell-out fuckhead tyrant—Gilgamesh gets to bang the wife before the husband does.”

Gornok: “I know that tradition was continued—many English kings enjoyed that ‘right.'”

Duncelor: “They all did. They had the ‘right’ to rape anyone, anywhere, anytime.”

Enkidu walked in front, and Shamhat after him.
[The Standard Version resumes.]
He (Enkidu) walked down the street of Uruk-Haven,
… mighty…
He blocked the way through Uruk the Sheepfold.
The land of Uruk stood around him,
the whole land assembled about him,
the populace was thronging around him,
the men were clustered about him,
and kissed his feet as if he were a little baby(!).
Suddenly a handsome young man …
For Ishara the bed of night(?)/marriage(?) is ready,
for Gilgamesh as for a god a counterpart(!) is set up.
Enkidu blocked the entry to the marital chamber,
and would not allow Gilgamesh to be brought in.
They grappled with each other at the entry to the marital chamber,
in the street they attacked each other, the public square of the land.
The doorposts trembled and the wall shook,

[About 42 lines are missing from the Standard Version; lines 103-129 are taken from
the Old Babylonian version.]

Gornok: “So, they had a scrap—likely the missing bits were full of more symbolic stuff about how “mighty” the battle was, et cetera. Continuing…”

Gilgamesh bent his knees, with his other foot on the ground,
his anger abated and he turned his chest away.
After he turned his chest Enkidu said to Gilgamesh:
“Your mother bore you ever unique(!),
the Wild Cow of the Enclosure, Ninsun,
your head is elevated over (other) men,
Enlil has destined for you the kingship over the people.”
[19 lines are missing here.]

Duncelor: “So, Gilgamesh wins and Enkidu starts kissing his ass (among other things…).”

Gornok: “Yeah, those rulers were raised ‘above’ the commoners, and so had no ethics about with whom they had sex. They probably fucked animals as well.”

They kissed each other and became friends.
[The Old Babylonian becomes fragmentary. The Standard Version resumes]
“His strength is the mightiest in the land!
His strength is as mighty as the meteorite(?) of Anu,
The mother of Gilgamesh spoke to Gilgamesh, saying;
Rimat-Ninsun said to her son:
“(I!), Rimar-Ninsun…
My son…
Plaintively …
She went up into his (Shamash’s) gateway,
plaintively she implored …:
“Enkidu has no father or mother,
his shaggy hair no one cuts.
He was born in the wilderness, no one raised him.”
Enkidu was standing there, and heard the speech.
He … and sat down and wept,
his eyes filled with tears,
his arms felt limp, his strength weakened.
They took each other by the hand,
and.., their hands like …
Enkidu made a declaration to (Gilgamesh’).

Duncelor: “Okay, “friends” was not quite what they became—Enkidu was his slave now (as he’s described in parts below). I guess “friend” sounds better than “tool” for the sake of the story here.”

Gornok: “He was born in the wilderness, no one raised him. I guess that means he was never assimilated into the agricultural workforce, and was never indoctrinated regarding the religion of the day. In other words, he was a free man.”

Duncelor: “Quite. Then Gilgamesh’s mommy, Rimat-Ninsun, makes Enkidu cry, and after that is when he pledges his allegiance to Gilgamesh (“declaration”), or else it had already happened. In the later, cleaned-up, Babylonian version, the slavery of Enkidu is apparent…”

1-3 Now the lord once decided to set off for the mountain where the man lives; lord Gilgamesh decided to set off for the mountain where the man lives. He spoke to his slave Enkidu:

4-7 “Enkidu, since a man cannot pass beyond the final end of life, I want to set off into the mountains, to establish my renown there. Where renown can be established there, I will establish my renown; and where no renown can be established there, I shall establish the renown of the gods.”

Duncelor: “And this version is a little more honest about what they’re really up to on this journey…”

8-12 His slave Enkidu answered him: “My lord, if today you want to set off into the mountains, Utu should know about it from us. (1 ms. adds: If you want to set off into the Mountains of Cedar-felling, Utu should know about it from us.) Utu, youthful Utu, should know about it from us. A decision that concerns the mountains is Utu’s business. A decision that concerns the Mountains of Cedar-felling is the business of youthful Utu. Utu should know about it from us.”

Gornok: “Cedar-felling. Why?”

Duncelor: “Timber. Resources…”

Gornok: “After the meet-and-greet with the “giant” (Humbaba)—”

Humbaba Mask

Gornok: “—it’s revealed.”

[32 lines are missing here.]
“in order to protect the Cedar Forest
Enlil assigned (Humbaba) as a terror to human beings,
Humbaba’s roar is a Flood, his mouth is Fire, and his breath is Death!
He can hear 100 leagues away any rustling(?) in his forest!
Who would go down into his forest!
Enlil assigned him as a terror to human beings,
and whoever goes down into his forest paralysis(?) will strike!”

Duncelor: “So, not only is Enkidu a traitor to his old animal pals, a dress-wearing crybaby living like a woman now, a slave to a momma’s boy king, he’s now going to help Gilgamesh cut down a huge forest (Enkidu’s former ‘home’) somewhere, probably in current-day Iran (it was clear that there weren’t too many trees left around Uruk), which was (is) mountainous, yet did it really have lots of cedar trees?”

Gornok: “Hmm. I think this, again, is symbol—“Humbaba,” that is, which might have been an actual nomadic or forest-dwelling tribe in the area. In the Babylonian version, it’s clearly a “man” and nothing more.”

Gilgamesh spoke to Enkidu saying:
“What you say .. .”
[About 42 lines are missing here in the Standard Version; lines 228-249 are taken from
the Old Babylonian.]
“Who, my Friend, can ascend to the heavens!”
(Only) the gods can dwell forever with Shamash.

Gornok: “‘Shamash was the common Akkadian name of the sun-god in Babylonia and Assyria, corresponding to Sumerian Utu. The name simply means “sun”. Both in early and in late inscriptions Sha-mash is designated as the “offspring of Nanna.'”

As for human beings, their days are numbered,
and whatever they keep trying to achieve is but wind!

Gornok: “I wonder if Endiku had “wisdom” of mortality—strictly speaking, he used to be this frightening “Humbaba,” and now he’s afraid of it (or them) and being killed by it. What Gilgamesh is talking about (“human beings, their days are numbered”) is mortality.”

Duncelor: “Come to think of it, he shouldn’t know language either—I guess that was part of his obedience training, too.”

Now you are afraid of death–
what has become of your bold strength!
I will go in front of you,
and your mouth can call out: ‘Go on closer, do not be afraid!’
Should I fall, I will have established my fame.

Gornok: “Hence the “hero” bit—his ego is fed with the knowledge of fame and more admiration, especially if he dies.”

(They will say:)’It was Gilgamesh who locked in battle with Humbaba the Terrible!’
You were born and raised in the wilderness,
a lion leaped up on you, so you have experienced it all!’
[5 lines are fragmentary]
I will undertake it and I will cut down the Cedar.
It is I who will establish fame for eternity!
Come, my friend, I will go over to the forge
and have them cast the weapons in our presence!”
Holding each other by the hand they went over to the forge.
[The Standard Version resumes at this point.]
The craftsmen sat and discussed with one another.
“We should fashion the axe…
The hatchet should he one talent in weight …
Their swords should be one talent…
Their armor one talent, their armor …”

Duncelor: “Here’s an early example of how war started out—I think the “Humbaba the Terrible!’ was either a tribe or the leader of tribe (remember: nomads were always called evil, barbaric, or monsters—think of Attila and Ghengis Khan for extreme examples). Making them into monsters justified the plunder and rape of the lands they protected.”

Gornok: “The people don’t feel sympathy for monsters. Or terrorists. That’s why you demonize them first…”

Duncelor: “Precisely. Just as Enkidu himself was exaggerated by the trapper as being so large and terrifying, and by others as having the “strength of ten men;” this hasn’t changed: the Native North Americans were demonized in a similar fashion (which many people today still believe); same with blacks (justifying-rationalizing their slavery), and a current—and Middle-Aged—example is Muslim extremists (“Arab devils!”—during the Crusades, there was the religious spin on this theme), justifying more plunder in the very region in which this story was written.”

Gornok: “More than plunder: assimilation eventually.”

Humbaba

Duncelor: “But why are they going off to conquer and rape this region? Just for trees? Why do they need trees?”

Gornok: “Because they ran out, cut them all down. Remember, Iraq (Sumeria) was a fucking desert by this point. Thousands of years of agricultural ruin, herds ripping up all the stubble and roots, and then erosion of the top soil.”

Duncelor: “Oh. Anyway, Gilgamesh is about baffle his slave-warriors with a great deal of cowshit…”

Gilgamesh said to the men of Uruk:
“Listen to me, men…
[5 lines are missing here.]
You, men of Uruk, who know …
I want to make myself more mighty, and will go on a distant(!) journey!
I will face fighting such as I have never known,
I will set out on a road I have never traveled!
Give me your blessings! …
I will enter the city gate of Uruk …
I will devote(?) myself to the New Year’s Festival.
I will perform the New Year’s (ceremonies) in…
The New Year’s Festival will take place, celebrations …
They will keep shouting ‘Hurrah!’ in…””

Gornok: “New Years? And ‘Hurrah!?'”

Duncelor: “It reminds me of Roman Emperors (later Empire) holding games to appease the rabble or distract them from other serious problems (grain shortages, plague, threats of invasion, et cetera). It all sounds so tediously familiar…”

Gornok: “Back to the slaughter of the Humbaba tribe…”

Killing Off The Humbaba Tribe

Duncelor: “There’s the star of Ishtar over the “demon’s” head, which Gilgamesh and Enkidu are killing. Star representing Venus…”

Gornok: “Right. And seven things to the left of that. Seven Sages? I dunno…”

Enkidu spoke to the Elders:
“What the men of Uruk…
Say to him that he must not go to the Cedar Forest–
the journey is not to be made!
A man who…
The Guardian of the Cedar Forest …
The Noble Counselors of Uruk arose and
delivered their advice to Gilgamesh:
“You are young, Gilgamesh, your heart carries you off
you do not know what you are talking about!
…gave birth to you.
Humbaba’s roar is a Flood,
his mouth is Fire, his breath Death!
He can hear any rustling(!) in his forest 100 leagues away!
Who would go down into his forest!
Who among (even!) the Igigi gods can confront him?
In order to keep the Cedar safe, Enlil assigned him as a terror
to human beings.”
Gilgamesh listened to the statement of his Noble Counselors.
[About 5 lines are missing to the end of Tablet II.]

Duncelor: “The Noble Counselors of Uruk, huh?”

Gornok: “Yeah, his court, I expect—the professional class and priest class, the land owners, the aristocracy that secretly ruled, I believe. Anyway, to give him a big ego boost, to keep him going until the next time, they’re saying all kinds of crap. And they’re demonizing the Natives who live in that forest…”

Tablet III

The Elders spoke to Gilgamesh, saying:
“Gilgamesh, do not put your trust in (just) your vast strength,
but keep a sharp eye out, make each blow strike in mark!
‘The one who goes on ahead saves the comrade.”
‘The one who knows the route protects his friend.’
Let Enkidu go ahead of you;
he knows the road to the Cedar Forest,

Duncelor: “Bingo—Enkidu knows this area, so this might have indeed been his previous home, or near it at any rate.”

he has seen fighting, has experienced battle.
Enkidu will protect the friend, will keep the comrade safe.

Gornok: “Why would a “god-king”—two-thirds god, they tell us earlier, “Gilgamesh is strong to perfection”—need so much help from a former “primitive” that Gilgamesh had defeated in a fight already? I thought old Gilgie was “awesome to perfection” or some shit?”

Duncelor: “You didn’t actually believe that, did you? Do you think five hundred years from now the “history” regarding someone like George W. Bush is going to be much different from this horseshit?”

Gornok: “Guess not. How anyone can view Gilgamesh as anything but a snivelling, momma’s boy puppet ruler is beyond me…”

Let his body urge him back to the wives ()).”
“in our Assembly we have entrusted the King to you (Enkidu),
and on your return you must entrust the King back to us!”
Gilgamesh spoke to Enkidu, raying:
“Come on, my friend, let us go to the Egalmah Temple,
to Ninsun, the Great Queen;
Ninsun is wise, all-knowing.
She will put the advisable path at our feet.”

Duncelor: “Now Enkidu is appointed to be Gilgamesh’s personal guard.”

Gornok: “They’re off to see “all-knowing” Ninsun (his mommy) for some reason…who is that again?”

Duncelor: “Ninsun is also known as “Rimat-Ninsun,” the “august cow,” the “Wild Cow of the Enclosure,” and “The Great Queen.” Yeah, really—the Wild Cow of the Enclosure? I know the “enclosure” was brought up already—as the walls of Uruk—but what “wild cow” means…? Unruly milk-giver? Doesn’t matter, I guess, it’s clear she wore the pants in Uruk.”

Gornok: “As an aside, it seems that Gilgamesh and Enkidu were kinda fruity with one another. No, I find nothing “wrong” with that; it’s just interesting.”

Duncelor: “I find something wrong with that. Enkidu wasn’t a homo before Gilgamesh got a hold of him…”

Gornok: “How do you know that?”

Duncelor: “Because they used a fucking whore to draw him out of the woods? Dumbass!”

Gornok: “Oh, right.”

(*) Taking each other by the hand,
Gilgamesh and Enkidu walked to the Egalmah (“Great Palace”),

Duncelor: “(*)Yeah, like I said…”

to Ninsun, the Great Queen.
Gilgamesh arose and went to her.
“Ninsun, (even though) I am extraordinarily strong (!)…
I must now travel a long way to where Humbaba is,
I must face fighting such as I have not known,
and I must travel on a road that I do not know!
Until the time that I go and return,
until I reach the Cedar Forest,
until I kill Humbaba the Terrible,
and eradicate from the land something baneful that Shamash hates,
intercede with Shamash on my behalf’ (!)
If I kill Humbaba and cut his Cedar
let there be rejoicing all over the land ,
and I will erect a monument of the victory (?) before you!”
The… words of Gilgamesh, her son,
grieving, Queen Ninsun heard over and over.

Duncelor: “If he were two-thirds god (in this story’s context), he would not need his mommy to put in a good word with Shamash for him—but his mother is also a “goddess” here, so ya never know.”

Gornok: “Yeah, I can see why Nord couldn’t stand this little punk, Gilgamesh. What a little snot-nosed douchebag.”

Duncelor: “Anyway, “eradicate from the land something baneful that Shamash”—Utu = the sun—“hates”—why does it hate it? Why would the sun hate something defending a forest? Because it (or they, I think) is preventing them from logging and stripping the area of trees, obviously.”

Gornok: “So, what does Mommy have to say for herself?”

Duncelor: “Let’s find out, Gornok!”

Ninsun went into her living quarters.
She washed herself with the purity plant,
she donned a robe worthy of her body,
she donned jewels worthy of her chest,
she donned her sash, and put on her crown.
She sprinkled water from a bowl onto the ground.
She… and went up to the roof.
She went up to the roof and set incense in front of Shamash,
.I she offered fragrant cuttings, and raised her arms to Shamash.
“Why have you imposed–nay, inflicted!–a restless heart on
my son, Gilgamesh!
Now you have touched him so that he wants to travel
a long way to where Humbaba is!
He will face fighting such as he has not known,
and will travel on a road that he does not know!
Until he goes away and returns,
until he reaches the Cedar Forest,
until he kills Humbaba the Terrible,
and eradicates from the land something baneful that you hate,
on the day that you see him on the road(?)
may Aja, the Bride, without fear remind you,
and command also the Watchmen of the Night,
the stars, and at night your father, Sin.”

Gornok: “Humbaba is known in Babylonian as “Huwawa,” who is brother to Enki (later known as “Ea”—a god or lord of water, and “originally chief God of the city of Eridu”); the “en” bit means “lord,” which is interesting because Enkidu was also known as Enkimdu, Eabani, or Enkita. In three of four of these is the “en”—meaning he was lord…of something. “Lord Kidu” it would mean, I think. Anyway…”

Duncelor: “Lord Kidu…but “ki” = earth. So, Lord Earth…something. Guess it doesn’t matter.”

Gornok: “Means slave in the final analysis.”

Duncelor: “True enough.”

She banked up the incense and uttered the ritual words.’
She called to Enkidu and would give him instructions:
“Enkidu the Mighty, you are not of my womb,
but now I speak to you along with the sacred votaries of Gilgamesh,
the high priestesses, the holy women, the temple servers.”

Gornok: “The “temple servers” might be paid sluts like Shamhat, the one who seduced and corrupted Enkidu, who is now a slave to not only Gilgamesh but as well his mother—which is how I think it was all along.”

She laid a pendant(?) on Enkidu’s neck,
the high-priestesses took…
and the “daughters-of-the-gods” …
“I have taken … Enkidu…
Enkidu to… Gilgamesh I have taken.”
“Until he goes and returns,
until he reaches the Cedar Forest,
be it a month …
be it a year.. .”
[About 11 lines are missing here, and the placement of the following fragment is uncertain.]
… the gate of cedar…
Enkidu … in the Temple of Shamash,
(and) Gilgamesh in the Egalmah.
He made an offering of cuttings …
… the sons of the king(!) …

Duncelor: “More cuttings, followed by “sons of the king.” If this was part of the animal-sacrifice stuff, it adds up. Could be, not sure; it was going on, though.”

Gornok: “And she gave the formerly “strongest man in the world” some sort of amulet to help him bring her pansy-ass son back alive…”

Duncelor: “Well, he was a pansy. A real man, a strong man, even if half of the bullshit they claim about Gilgamesh is true, he would not need a personal guard or an amulet, or other shit to protect him.”

Gornok: “Unless he was a royal brat…”

Duncelor: “Well, yeah.”

[Perhaps some 60 lines are missing here.]
“Enkidu will protect the friend, will keep the comrade safe,
Let his body urge him back to the wives (?).
In our Assembly we have entrusted the King to you,
and on your return you must entrust the King back to us!”
Enkidu spoke to Gilgamesh saying:
“My Friend, turn back!…
The road…”
[The last lines are missing.]

Tablet IV

At twenty leagues they broke for some food,
at thirty leagues they stopped for the night,
walking Fifty leagues in a whole day,
a walk of a month and a half.
On the third day they drew near to the Lebanon.

Gornok: “Okay, so if that means the place rather than a river or something, it means that this isn’t in Iran but instead somewhere northwest of Iraq, towards Turkey maybe.”

Duncelor: “Cedars, Lebanon…you should have figured that out….”

Gornok: “I should have.”

They dug a well facing Shamash (the setting sun),
Gilgamesh climbed up a mountain peak,
made a libation of flour, and said:
“Mountain, bring me a dream, a favorable message from
Shamash.”
Enkidu prepared a sleeping place for him for the night;
a violent wind passed through so he attached a covering.
He made him lie down, and… in a circle.
they… like grain from the mountain…
While Gilgamesh rested his chin on his knees,
sleep that pours over mankind overtook him.
in the middle of the night his sleep came to an end,
so he got up and said to his friend:
“My friend, did you not call out to me? Why did I wake up?
Did you not touch me? Why am I so disturbed?
Did a god pass by? Why are my muscles trembling?
Enkidu, my friend, I have had a dream–
and the dream I had was deeply disturbing(?)
in the mountain gorges…
the mountain fell down on me (us?) …
Wet(?)… like flies(?)…
He who was born in the wilderness,
Enkidu, interpreted the dream for his friend:

Duncelor: “What else is new—everyone interprets this Mighty Hero’s dreams. Wiener can’t even think for himself, let alone do anything without constant reassurance…”

Gornok: “Heh; two-thirds god—and two outta three ain’t bad!”

Duncelor: “Nordicvs was right. Gilgamesh was a twat. There, I finally agree; now let’s continue…”

Gornok: “The Babylonian version has the following, which fits somewhere in the middle of the next section…”

Gilgamesh began to chop at the cedars. His slave Enkidu worked on the branches for him. His fellow-citizens who had come with him stacked them in piles.

Duncelor: “Yep.”

“My friend, your dream is favorable.
The dream is extremely important.
My friend, the mountain which you saw in the dream is
Humbaba.
“It means we will capture Humbaba, and kill him
and throw his corpse into the wasteland.
In the morning there will be a favorable message from Shamash.
At twenty leagues they broke for some food,
at thirty leagues they stopped for the night,
walking fifty leagues in a whole day,
a walk of a month and a half.
They dug a well facing Shamash
Gilgamesh climbed up a mountain peak,
made a libation of flour, and said,
“Mountain, bring me a dream, a favorable message from
Shamash.”
Enkidu prepared a sleeping place for him for the night;
a violent wind passed through so he attached a covering.
He made him lie down, and… in a circle.
They … like grain from the mountain…
While Gilgamesh rested his chin on his knees,
sleep that pours over mankind overtook him.
,, in the middle of the night his sleep came to an end,
so he got up and said to his friend:
My friend, did you not call out to me? Why did I wake up?
Did you not touch me? Why am I so disturbed?
Did a god pass by? Why are my muscles trembling?
Enkidu, my friend, I have had a dream,
besides my first dream, a second.
And the dream I had–so striking, so…,so disturbing!’ I was grappling with a wild bull of the wilderness,
with his bellow he split the ground, a cloud of dust…to
the sky.
I sank to my knees in front of him.
He holds… that encircled(?) my arm.
(My?) tongue(?) hung out(?) …
My temples throbbed(?) …
He gave me water to drink from his waterskin.”
“My friend, the god to whom we go
is not the wild bull? He is totally different?
The wild bull that you saw is Shamash, the protector,
in difficulties he holds our hand.
The one who gave you water to drink from his waterskin
is your personal god, who brings honor to you, Lugalbanda.
We should join together and do one thing,
a deed such as has never (before) been done in the land.”
At twenty leagues they broke for some food,
at thirty leagues they stopped for the night,
walking fifty leagues in a whole day,
a walk of a month and a half.
They dug a well facing Shamash,
Gilgamesh climbed up a mountain peak,
made a libation of flour, and said:
“Mountain, bring me a dream, a favorable message from Shamash.”
Enkidu prepared a sleeping place for him for the night;
a violent wind passed through so he attached a covering.
He made him lie down, and… in a circle.
They… like grain from the mountain…
While Gilgamesh rested his chin on his knees,
sleep that pours over mankind overtook him.
In the middle of the night his sleep came to an end,
so he got up and said to his friend:
“My friend, did you nor call out to me? Why did I wake up?
Did you not touch me? Why am I so disturbed?
Did a god pass by
Why are my muscles trembling?
Enkidu, my friend, I have had a third dream,
and the dream I had was deeply disturbing.
. . . The heavens roared and the earth rumbled;
(then) it became deathly still, and darkness loomed.
A bolt of lightning cracked and a fire broke out,
and where(?) it kept thickening, there rained death.
Then the white-hot name dimmed, and the fire went out,
and everything that had been falling around turned to ash.
Let us go down into the plain so we can talk it over.”
… Enkidu heard the dream that he had presented and said to Gilgamesh
(About 40 lines are missing here.)

Duncelor: “Here we go again.”

Gornok: “…And the next bit is a repeat of the last bit, so let’s skip ahead to a new portion…”

Duncelor: “Let’s.”

(About 11 lines are missing)
“He was… cubits tall…
… Gilgamesh
Enkidu listened to his dream
“The dream that you had is favorable, it is extremely important? My friend, this…
Humbaba Eke…
Before it becomes light…
We will achieve (victory?) over him,
Humbaba, against whom we rage,
we will.., and triumph over him.
In the morning there will be a favorable message from Shamash.
At twenty leagues they broke for some food, at thirty leagues they stopped for the night,
walking fifty leagues in a whole day,
a walk of a month and a half.
They dug a well facing Shamash,
Gilgamesh climbed up a mountain peak, made a libation of flour, and said:
“Mountain, bring me a dream, a favorable message from
Shamash.”
Enkidu prepared a sleeping place for him for the night;
a violent wind passed through so he attached a covering.
He made him lie down, and… in a circle. They… like grain from the mountain …
While Gilgamerh rested his chin on his knees,
sleep that pours over mankind overtook him.
.. in the middle of the night his sleep came to an end,
so he got up and said to his friend:
“My friend, did you not call out to me? Why did I wake up? Did you not touch me? Why am I so disturbed?
Did a god pass by? Why are my muscles trembling?
Enkidu, my friend, I had a fifth(?) dream,
and the dream I had was deeply disturbing (?).
…His tears were running in the presence of Shamash. ‘What you said in Uruk…,
be mindful of it, stand by me… ?”
Gilgamesh, the offspring of Uruk-Haven,
Shamash heard what issued from his mouth,
and suddenly there resounded a warning sound from the sky.
“Hurry, stand by him so that he (Humbaba) does not enter
the forest,
and does not go down into the thickets and hide (?)
He has not put on his seven coats of armor(?)
he is wearing only one, but has taken off six.”
… They(Gilgamesh and Enkidu ‘)…
They lunge at each other like raging wild bulls…
One name he bellowed full of…
The Guardian of the Forest bellowed …Humbaba like…
…”‘One alone cannot …
‘Strangers …
‘A slippery path is not feared by two people who help each
other.’
‘Twice three times…
‘A three-ply rope cannot be cut.’
‘The mighty lioness cubs can roll him over.”‘

Gornok: “Pretty sketchy, dude.”

Duncelor: “Yep.”

Gornok: “Anyway, this is all about how they are about to conquer the Natives.”

Sumerian Ruins

Enkidu spoke to Gilgamesh, saying:
“As soon as we have gone down into the Cedar Forest,
let us split open the tree (?) and strip off its branches(?).”
Gilgamesh spoke to Enkidu, saying:
“Why, my friend, we…so wretchedly (?)
We have crossed over all the mountains together,
in front of us, before we have cut down the Cedar.
My friend, you who are so experienced in battle,
who… fighting,
you…’ and (need) not fear death.
Let your voice bellow forth like the kettledrum, let the stiffness in your arms depart,
let the paralysis in your legs go away.
Take my hand, my friend, we will go on together.
Your heart should burn to do battle
–pay no heed to death, do not lose heart!
The one who watches from the side is a careful man,
but the one who walks in front protects himself and saves his
comrade,
and through their fighting they establish fame'”
As the two of them reached the evergreen forest
they cut off their talk, and stood still.

Duncelor: “Blah blah blah…nothing really of interest.”

Gornok: “Well, except that Gilgamesh (who gets even worse later) is a goddamned coward. ‘And through their fighting they establish fame.'”

Duncelor: “Neither are worthy of it.”

Gornok: “True. Okay, these two wuss-bags are about to (try to) ambush the “giant,” Humbaba.”

Tablet V

… They stood at the forest’s edge,
gazing at the top of the Cedar Tree,
gazing at the entrance to the forest.
Where Humbaba would walk there was a trail,
the roads led straight on, the path was excellent.
Then they saw the Cedar Mountain, the Dwelling of the Gods, the
throne dais of Imini.
Across the face of the mountain the Cedar brought forth luxurious
foliage,
its shade was good, extremely pleasant.
The thornbushes were matted together, the woods(?) were a thicket
… among the Cedars,… the boxwood,
the forest was surrounded by a ravine two leagues long,
… and again for two-thirds (of that distance),
…Suddenly the swords…,
and after the sheaths …,
the axes were smeared…
dagger and sword…
alone …
Humbaba spoke to Gilgamesh saying:”He does not come (?) …

Enlil.. .”
Enkidu spoke to Humbaba, saying:
“Humbaba…’One alone..
‘Strangers …
‘A slippery path is not feared by two people who help each other.
‘Twice three times…
‘A three-ply rope cannot be cut.
‘The mighty lion–two cubs can roll him over.”‘

Duncelor: “Well, that axe in his dream was not a ‘metaphor for Enkidu,’ as Gilgamesh’s mommy had told him, but rather the very thing(s) itself; it could be both, but most definitely the axes were brought for reasons other than battle.”

Gornok: “I guess Enkidu is trying to persuade Humbaba here to play nice and just fuck off so they can cut down the forest, but Humbaba isn’t falling for it.”

Duncelor: “Perhaps they ought to have brought along a large-breasted whore?—it worked before…”

Gornok: “Maybe they tried and it didn’t work. Enkidu is only considered a “Lord” because he was assimilated. People who keep resisting are considered demons.”

Duncelor: “How do we know that Gilgamesh and Enkidu weren’t alone here?”

Gornok: “Once more, from the Babylonian version…”

145-148 Then Huwawa handed over to him his first terror. Gilgamec’s fellow-citizens who had come with him began to lop off the branches and bundle them together, so as to lay them down at the foot of the hills.

Duncelor: “Gilgamesh took a whole crew with him there.”

Gornok: “Yup. Back to the original…”

Humbaba spoke to Gilgamesh, saying:
..An idiot and a moron should give advice to each other,
but you, Gilgamesh, why have you come to me!

Duncelor: “Ha!”

Gornok: “Fucking hilarious—an idiot and a moron should give advice to each other.”

Duncelor: “I like this Humbaba dude.”

Gornok: “Poor bastard…”

Give advice, Enkidu, you ‘son of a fish,’ who does not even
know his own father,
to the large and small turtles which do not suck their mother’s milk!

Duncelor: “Oh, burnnnn!”

Gornok: “‘Son of a fish?”—I bet that’s where “son of a bitch” originated…”

Duncelor: “Possible…”

When you were still young I saw you but did not go over to you;
… you,… in my belly.
…,you have brought Gilgamesh into my presence,
… you stand.., an enemy, a stranger.

Gornok: “The plot thickens—not only did Enkidu know the way to this place but he also knew Humbaba personally. “When you were still young I saw you but did not go over to you.” And now he brings this ponce, Gilgamesh, into his presence, and he refers to Enkidu as “an enemy, a stranger,” suggesting further that they weren’t before (perhaps being neutral to one another).”

Duncelor: “Oh, Enkidu, your betrayal is nearly complete. What a dink.”

… Gilgamesh, throat and neck,
I would feed your flesh to the screeching vulture, the eagle, and
the vulture!”
Gilgamesh spoke to Enkidu, saying: “My Friend, Humbaba’s face keeps changing!·
Enkidu spoke to Gilgamesh, saying:’
“Why, my friend, are you whining so pitiably, hiding behind your whimpering?

Gornok: “Yeah, this Gilgamesh was a walking turd—“whimpering?” Some hero!”

Duncelor: “Damn. I’m really starting to dislike this little shit, too.”

Now there, my friend,…
in the coppersmith’s channel …,
again to blow (the bellows) for an hour, the glowing (metal)(?)
…for an hour.
To send the Flood, to crack the Whip.”
Do not snatch your feet away, do not turn your back,
… strike even harder!”
… may they be expelled…. head fell … and it/he confronted him…
The ground split open with the heels of their feet,
as they whirled around in circles Mt. Hermon and Lebanon split.
The white clouds darkened,
death rained down on them like fog.
Shamash raised up against Humbaba mighty tempests’–
Southwind, Northwind, Eastwind, Westwind, Whistling Wind, Piercing Wind, Blizzard, Bad Wind, Wind of Simurru,
Demon Wind, Ice Wind, Storm, Sandstorm–
thirteen winds rose up against him and covered Humbaba’s face.
He could not butt through the front, and could not scramble out
the back,
so that Gilgamesh’a weapons were in reach of Humbaba.
Humbaba begged for his life, saying to Gilgamesh:
“You are young yet, Gilgamesh, your mother gave birth to you,
and you are the offspring of Rimat-Ninsun (?) …

Gornok: “Now Humbaba is wussing out, but what can one do against 13 winds? Anyway, fucking Gilgamesh didn’t defeat him—Shamash did! Which was what his mommy set up with her prayers and incense and ‘cuttings.'”

Duncelor: “And another thing: how the hell would Humbaba know so much about Gilgamesh? He even knows his mother’s name (perhaps Gilgatwat tells everyone who his mommy is?—ya never know with this dipshit).”

(It was) at the word of Shamash, Lord of the Mountain,
that you were roused (to this expedition).
O scion [?] of the heart of Uruk, King Gilgamesh!
… Gilgamesh…
Gilgamesh, let me go (?), I will dwell with you as your servant (?)

Gornok: “Now he wants to be like Enkidu—a “nigger.” Oh, but there’s more he has to offer…”

As many trees as you command me I will cut down for you,
I will guard for you myrtle wood…,
wood fine enough for your palace!”
Enkidu addressed Gilgamesh, saying:
“My friend, do not listen to Humbaba,
[10 lines are missing; Apparently Humbaba sees that Gilgamesh is influenced by Enkidu, and moves to dissuade Enkidu.]
“You understand the rules of my forest, the rules…,
further, you are aware of all the things so ordered (by Enlil).”
I should have carried you up, and killed you
at the very entrance to the branches of my forest.
I should have fed your flesh to the screeching vulture, the eagle,
and the vulture.
So now, Enkidu, clemency is up to you.
Speak to Gilgamesh to spare my life!”

Duncelor: “And here we see a hint of the ulterior intent (aside from fame for the two Uruk yahoos), “wood fine enough for your palace!” This wood isn’t desired for practical purposes…”

Gornok: “Anyway, does Enkidu encourage his dimwitted master, Gilgie, to act mercifully with Humbaba?”

Duncelor: “Not so much.”

Enkidu addressed Gilgamesh, saying:
My friend, Humbaba, Guardian of the Cedar Forest,
grind up, kill, pulverize(?), and destroy him!
Humbaba, Guardian of the Forest, grind up, kill, pulverize(?),
and destroy him!
Before the Preeminent God Enlil hears…
and the …gods be filled with rage against us.
Enlil is in Nippur, Shamash is in Sippar.
Erect an eternal monument proclaiming…
how Gilgamesh killed(?) Humbaba.”
When Humbaba heard…
[About 10 lines are missing.]
… the forest.

“May he not live the longer of the two,
may Enkidu not have any ‘share'(?) more than his friend
Gilgamesh!”

Duncelor: “Share of what?”

Gornok: “Share of the booty they’re about to plunder, in the form of resources…”

Enkidu spoke to Gilgamesh, saying:
“My friend, I have been talking to you but you have not been
listening to me,”
You have been listening to the curse of Humbaba!”
… his friend
… by his side
.. they pulled out his insides including his tongue.
… he jumped(?).
…abundance fell over the mountain,
…abundance fell over the mountain.
They cut through the Cedar,
While Gilgamesh cuts down the trees, Enkidu searches through
the urmazallu.
Enkidu addressed Gilgamesh, saying:
“My friend, we have cut down the towering Cedar whose top
scrapes the sky.
Make from it a door 72 cubits high, 24 cubits wide,
one cubit thick, its fixture, its lower and upper pivots will be out of one piece.
Let them carry it to Nippur, the Euphrates will carry it down, Nippur will rejoice.
…”
They tied together a raft…
Enkidu steered it…
while Gilgamesh held the head of Humbaba.

Duncelor: “And there we have it: Gilga-baby cut off his head and they made with the plundering, cutting down the biggest trees first, made a raft or boat, and took it down the river back home—to Mommy’s awaiting approval, no doubt—with slave-boy Enkidu doing all the work, as usual…”

Gornok: “Assholes.”

Duncelor: “Anyway, Gilgamesh is about to return and put his dress and jewels back on…”

Tablet VI

He washed out his marred hair and cleaned up his equipment(?),
shaking out his locks down over his back,
throwing off his dirty clothes and putting on clean ones.
He wrapped himself in regal garments and fastened the sash.
When Gilgamesh placed his crown on his head,
a princess Ishtar raised her eyes to the beauty of Gilgamesh.

Gornok: “Hmm—do you think it was his talent, charm, and charisma that started her drooling…or the big shiny gold crown…?”

“Come along, Gilgamesh, be you my husband,
to me grant your lusciousness.’
Be you my husband, and I will be your wife.
I will have harnessed for you a chariot of lapis lazuli and gold,
with wheels of gold and ‘horns’ of electrum(?).
It will he harnessed with great storming mountain mules!
Come into our house, with the fragrance of cedar.

Duncelor: “Cedar, eh? Wonder where they got that from…”

Gornok: “Through hard work and honest dealings with neighbouring tribes?”

Duncelor: “lol!”

And when you come into our house the doorpost(?) and throne dais(?)’will kiss your feet.
Bowed down beneath you will be kings, lords, and princes.
The Lullubu people’ will bring you the produce of the mountains and countryside as tribute.
Your she-goats will bear triplets, your ewes twins,
your donkey under burden will overtake the mule,
your steed at the chariot will be bristling to gallop,
your axe at the yoke will have no match.”

Gornok: “See? Good boys get stuff.”

Duncelor: “And pussy.”

Gornok: “I guess that hasn’t changed much. But today ‘men’ aren’t called “gods” or “kings” for raping the land and enslaving their brothers; no, they’re called “businessmen” now, and “politicians.” And other such terms.”

Duncelor: “Anyway, Gilga-ponce is about to tell her that she’s a spoiled skank and there’s nothing he could really give her (anymore of) that she doesn’t already have…”

Gornok: “Except absolute rule, like she used to have thousands of years before this was written.”

Gilgamesh addressed Princess Ishtar saying:
“What would I have to give you if I married you!
Do you need oil or garments for your body! Do you lack anything for food or drink!
I would gladly feed you food fit for a god,
I would gladly give you wine fit for a king,
… may the street(?) be your home(?), may you be clothed in a garment,
and may any lusting man (?) marry you!
…an oven who… ice,
a half-door that keeps out neither breeze nor blast,
a palace that crushes down valiant warriors,
an elephant who devours its own covering,
pitch that blackens the hands of its bearer,
a waterskin that soaks its bearer through,
limestone that buckles out the stone wall,
a battering ram that attracts the enemy land,
a shoe that bites its owner’s feet!
Where are your bridegrooms that you keep forever?
Where is your ‘Little Shepherd’ bird that went up over you!
See here now, I will recite the list of your lovers.
Of the shoulder (?) … his hand,
Tammuz, the lover of your earliest youth,
for him you have ordained lamentations year upon year!
You loved the colorful ‘Little Shepherd’ bird
and then hit him, breaking his wing, so
now he stands in the forest crying ‘My Wing’!
You loved the supremely mighty lion,
yet you dug for him seven and again seven pits.
You loved the stallion, famed in battle,
yet you ordained for him the whip, the goad, and the lash,
ordained for him to gallop for seven and seven hours,
ordained for him drinking from muddled waters,’
you ordained far his mother Silili to wail continually.
You loved the Shepherd, the Master Herder,
who continually presented you with bread baked in embers,
and who daily slaughtered for you a kid.
Yet you struck him, and turned him into a wolf,
so his own shepherds now chase him
and his own dogs snap at his shins.
You loved Ishullanu, your father’s date gardener,
who continually brought you baskets of dates,
and brightened your table daily.
You raised your eyes to him, and you went to him:
‘Oh my Ishullanu, let us taste of your strength,
stretch out your hand to me, and touch our vulva.

Duncelor: “Okay, wait a second—the vulva bit doesn’t confuse me…it’s the our vulva bit. Our?”

Gornok: “I dunno, but these folks were completely fucked…”

Duncelor: “Who’s Tammuz?”

Gornok: “Who cares? Kidding. Here.”

Duncelor: “Oh. Says he had another name—I guess they all do…”

In the Sumerian king list two kings named Dumuzi appear:

Dumuzid of Bad-tibira, the shepherd (reigning 36 000 years), the fifth King before the Flood
Dumuzid of Kuara, the fisherman (reigning 100 years), the third King of the first dynasty of Uruk, reigning between Lugalbanda and Gilgamesh, circa 2,700 BCE.

Other Sumerian texts showed that kings were to be married to Inanna in a sacred marriage, for example a hymn that describes the sacred marriage of King Iddid-Dagan (ca 1900 BCE).

Gornok: “Hmmm. Well, at any rate, let’s press forward…”

Ishullanu said to you:
‘Me! What is it you want from me!
Has my mother not baked, and have I not eaten
that I should now eat food under contempt and curses
and that alfalfa grass should be my only cover against
the cold?
As you listened to these his words
you struck him, turning him into a dwarf(?),
and made him live in the middle of his (garden of) labors,
where the mihhu do not go up, nor the bucket of dates (?) down.
And now me! It is me you love, and you will ordain for me as
for them!”

Duncelor: “So, Gilgamesh finally grew a pair and told her what’s what. And what did the divine goddess do?”

Gornok: “What any prissy, entitled, “morally superior” woman does when you tell her the truth…”

When Ishtar heard this, in a fury she went up to the heavens,
going to Anu, her father, and crying,
going to Anrum, her mother, and weeping:

Gornok: “…Get pissed off, scream and cry. Cry like a little girl. And go to tattle on him—and plot her revenge…by using someone else to do the dirty deed.”

“Father, Gilgamesh has insulted me over and over,
Gilgamesh has recounted despicable deeds about me,
despicable deeds and curses!”
Anu addressed Princess Ishtar, saying: “What is the matter?
Was it not you who provoked King Gilgamesh?
So Gilgamesh recounted despicable deeds about you,
despicable deeds and curses!”
Ishtar spoke to her father, Anu, saying:
“Father, give me the Bull of Heaven,
so he can kill Gilgamesh in his dwelling.

Duncelor: “Yep.”

Gornok: “Now we get into the Bull of Heaven.”

Duncelor: “We don’t have the time to get into all that now, though. Part Two.”

Gornok: “Nope. This shit is long enough.”

Duncelor: “Okay, that’s it for now, then.”

Gornok: “Yep, that’s it for part one….”